Welcome to the 2015 A to Z Blog Challenge. After participating last year, I planned to join everyone is April, but I just couldn't think of any ideas...until now.
Last year, I blogged about some of my recovery/fitness heroes and inspirations. This year, I thought I would focus on food...
Well, I was going to print the words to Food Glorious Food here but had no idea that it was actually malnourished children singing it in the play Oliver. So, I thought better of it. Yeah, I need to read Oliver Twist. Anyway...
One of my big issues with food is that I never seem to enjoy eating. Every meal, whether it was nutritious or not, left me with a strong sense of guilt, shame or emptiness. I'd grown to hate eating because there was no joy in it. Also, I'm willing to admit that I'm not that great of a cook. I'm hoping this challenge will change that.
I'm calling this challenge "Experiments From Auntie's Test Kitchen." Like America's Test Kitchen, I may try something brand new or put a twist on an old standard. Unlike them, I'm using everyday kitchen stuff and freely admit that I don't know what I'm doing, and I'm not standing around like Christopher Kimball, the bowtie wearing "host" who always looks like he's just smelled a fart.
Aw crap! Who farted?
Each letter may represent a food I'm using, a technique, or maybe something I've learned about food. I make no guarantees that this challenge will only take a month, nor can I say that I'll just blog on certain days. I take a letter as it comes. If a letter falls on my Daybook or Hodgepodge days, I may simply include them with that day's entry.
I started not to participate because I'm not a big fan of people sharing pictures of food on social media ad nauseam (thank the Lord I'm not on Instagram; my head would explode). However, you have a choice as to whether to read or not...and please do and enjoy.
Why: This book was one of those "everybody's reading it" offerings from a few years ago. I figured the hype was over by now, so I could safely get into the book.
Rating (on a scale of 1-4 hashtags):# # # ½ What it's about: Is the battle for health and fitness merely a numbers game, or is there something deeper going on? Lysa TerKeurst brings to light the deeply spiritual consequences for a poor relationship with food. She believes that gluttony is a direct result of using food to fill an emptiness only the Spirit of God can fill. She uses scripture and her own struggles to convince the reader to take a deeper look into both his spiritual life and nutritional choices.
Favorite Quotes:
"We crave what we eat." - p. 19
"Incomplete people are desperate for others to notice their diet progress, but quickly realize compliments don't ensure connection or intimacy. They are not more liked or accepted or welcomed in. And even if they are being liked based on a smaller jeans size, what an awfully shallow place to be." - p. 123
"Whether we are talking about food, wine, sex, shopping, or anything else with which we try to fill ourselves, nothing in this world can ever fill us like God's portion. Nothing else can truly satisfy." - p. 134
"Putting all of our hope in religious adherence to a human-designed diet can create a false sense of prideful self-effort, harsh treatment of the body and, in the end, usually failure." - 161
"It is good for God's people to be put in a place of longing so they feel a slight desperation. Only then can we be empty enough and open enough to discover the holiness we were made for. When we are stuffed full of other things and never allow ourselves to be in a place of longing, we don't recognize the deeper spiritual battle going on." - p. 168
"I suffered afflictions physically, emotionally, and spiritually because of my refusal to admit that food is meant to be consumed by me for my benefit. Food is not meant to consume me to my detriment." - p. 188
What I Liked:
TerKeurst writes in a conversational style reminiscent of Beth Moore's writings.
Quiet frankly, this book was everything Women, Food, and God should have been...especially the God part.
The author includes discussion questions at the end of each chapter for deeper reflection or for group study.
She uses humor to make her points. It's not "LOL" humor, but "been there, done that" humor.
While there are elements of the book that I don't like, or agree with, TerKeurst's offering gives hope and insight into dealing with the spiritual aspect of overeating.
There is no eating and exercise instruction; no meal plans or exercise regimens. We've got enough books, videos, DVD's, and YouTube channels for that. She is delving into the area that is most neglected in the health battle: the spirit.
What I didn’t like:
When the author announced in the introduction "I started this journey weighing 167 pounds," I almost threw the book across the room. Do you know how wondrous 167 pounds sounds to me? Do you know how fast I could run at 167 pounds? Don't you understand that 167 pounds is only 17 pounds away from my goal weight? My lands! I thought that this chick was some twisted anorexic, religious acerbic, Saint Catherine of Sienna wannabe. When she later outlined her own highly restrictive eating plan (which she does NOT say that anyone else has to follow), I thought, see there? She's off her rocker!
TerKeurst continually mentions healthy food in a negative way as if the only way to win at health is to eat things that don't taste good. This isn't true, nor scriptural. Hebrews 5:14 says - "But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil." In other words, just as the author states, you crave what you eat. Your tastes will change.
To sum up: Others who have reviewed this book complain because they feel that bringing one's spiritual life into their eating habits is taking things too far. I would ask why. Is this an area you don't want God to get into, or do you believe it's an area God doesn't care about? If you believe the former, this book is exactly what you need. If you believe the latter, this book is still exactly what you need. I, like many who struggle with overeating, binge eating, anorexia, or obesity, know the pain of missing out on God's plan because we can't exercise the spiritual fruit of self-control in this area. If it's that important, it deserves to be dealt with.
If you would like to join in and post your own Daybook, please head on over to visit Peggy at The Simple Woman's Daybook
For Today: Sunday, April 26, 2015
Outside my window … A gorgeous Sunday that makes you want to lie in the grass and look at the white fluffy clouds go by.
I am thinking... about whether I should start refusing invitations to events where I'm only invited as transportation for someone that they really want to attend. I've gone through that before and I'm not sure I want to do it again.
I'm also thinking about the annual A to Z Blog Challenge. After participating last year, I planned to do it again this year, but I just couldn't think of any ideas...until now. So, I plan to take up the challenge in May. I already have my topic, but don't exactly know how it's going to work. We'll see...
I am thankful... for modern medicine.
In the kitchen... Actually, my A-Z Blog idea has something to do with that...
From the Workshop...
Crocheted butterfly magnets.
I am reading... Still working on these two:
I am looking forward to... My next 5k though I don't know which race I'm doing yet. I did very well in Saturday's YMCA 5k. I finished in 56:27; beating my last 5k time by more than two minutes. I am learning… that I'm going to make it. Some way, somehow, I'm going to make it.
Around the house... I think I'll work on the office this week.
A favorite quote for today...
"Beware of any work for God which enables you to evade concentration on Him." - Oswald Chambers
From Twitter: @UnvirtuousAbbey tweeted: "For those who are following five hundred strangers on Pinterest but have never met their next door neighbors, we pray to the Lord."
One of my favorite things... New Balance running shoes.
A few plans for the rest of the week:Going to be playing catch up this week. I was sick with a sinus infection last week, so I didn't get things done like I wanted to.
A peek into my day... Leah M and I went riding on the trail. We started at mile marker 22.5 and went north toward Piedmont. Went a total of seven miles.
The turtle pond at mile marker 22. Actually saw a turtle taking a walk on the trail. Maybe I'll get a picture of a turtle next time.
I have no idea what this is, but I call it the Stonehenge of Jacksonville.
These beautiful Irises greeted us at our turn around spot.
We made it to mile marker 19 before turning around and heading for the car.
Have you ever had to wear a uniform? If yes, tell us more. Did you love it or hate it?
I've worn uniform shirts for several jobs. I didn't have a problem with it. The toughest uniform I've worn was the costume for my stint as an Easter Bunny at the Quintard Mall. Fun job, but that garb was hot and itchy. The uniforms I most enjoyed wearing were my band uniforms.
On the left is my uniform from high school marching band. Unfortunately, I do not have any photographs of myself in my Marching Southerners uniform. Band uniforms are notorious for being hellishly hot, but I was so proud and honored to wear both.
April 22nd is Earth Day. What is one thing you do personally to be a good steward of planet Earth?
Earth Day really isn't my thing. However, I don't like litter and I clean up after myself. If it's practical for me to do so, I do reuse some items.
Brown rice, quinoa, or couscous...your healthy grain of choice? How often are one of the three on your menu at home? Given a choice between white rice, brown rice, wild rice, and fried rice which would you go for?
Brown rice. I don't know anything about quinoa or couscous, including how to prepare them. I like fried rice, but since my favorite Chinese restaurant is closed, I've not had any in a while.
In your opinion, who has the best job ever?
Anyone who is getting paid to do what they love rather than having to endure a job they hate to make ends meet, while getting low or no pay for doing what they really do best.
What's a situation in your life currently requiring patience?
It might be easier to answer which ones don't; there's less of them. The person I have the least amount of patience with is myself. So, I'll just leave it at that.
Do you live your life around days of the week? Explain.
If you mean doing certain things on certain days, I try to, but it's not always feasible.
In a nod to the A to Z challenge happening around town this month, what 'R word' best describes your April?
Restless.
Insert your own random thought here.
This weekend, I'm participating in my second YMCA Spring Run. I've got an affinity for the Y. It's the first fitness-type center I ever felt comfortable in. This is by no means a criticism of my beloved local community center, but I miss being part of the YMCA. "Why?" you may ask. Well...
Indoor pool and swim instructors. One of the fitness goals I have as part of the "honorable mentions" on my 101 in 1001 list is to do a sprint level triathlon. While my running and cycling are making progress, My swimming form is about as strong as a dying flounder. I'm going to need some lessons and be able to practice year round to even have a chance of successfully swimming 1/2 a mile.
Fitness classes - body sculpting, spinning, step aerobics, TRX, cardio kickboxing, and then some. Talk about the ultimate cross training. Oh yeah, they do have Zumba if you want to cry for 30 minutes.
My sister working out with me - I have a sister who doesn't live far from the Anniston YMCA and we had a blast working out together years ago. I miss it.
Fitness assessments by certified fitness instructors
No lunks, bullies or equipment hogs - You want to act like a doofus, go to Gold's Gym where it's full of lunks and douchebags. You'll fit right in. Just stay away from the YMCA; you will get culled and you should be.
So, when finances improve, I will most likely hold "dual citizenship" with the Community Center and the YMCA. That way, I'll get the best of everything.
Want to know what a "lunk" is? Here's some examples. Every gym has them, but Planet Fitness is the only one brave enough to call them out.
If you would like to join in and post your own Daybook, please head on over to visit Peggy at The Simple Woman's Daybook
For Today: Sunday, April 19, 2015
Outside my window … Sunshine and rain are playing tag; rain is winning.
I am thinking... about finding true lasting intimacy with God. What does it look like? How do I know when I really have it? I've come close, but I really want to get there and stay.
I am thankful... for gas prices staying down. I've been able to get out more since gas hasn't been so expensive. Keeps the Cabin Fever at bay.
In the kitchen... Not anything new, but I have been enjoying some wonderful salads.
From the Workshop...
Here's the first of the 3 birdhouses for the quilt-ghan. I'm going to make the other two before I decide on placement.
I've also getting set up to do a few more paintings.
I am reading...
Last years training run.
I am looking forward to... The YMCA 5k Saturday. The training run and a workshop on preventing running injuries is Monday. I did this training run last year and my friend Carla and I got lost. I hope it's marked well enough to not a have a repeat. Even if we do, the conversation is great.
One of last year's rides
My friend and biking partner, Tamara, who's been away for several months traveling with her husband's job is finally home. I'm looking forward to biking with someone to the parts of the trail I didn't feel safe to travel alone. I've missed her husband, son, and crazy dogs, Bear and Lexi, too.
Something I am NOT looking forward to that our College Pastor, Will, announced he and his family are moving to New York this summer. I'm happy for his new calling, but sad for us. I've not had the opportunity to get to know the family as well as I would have liked and now they're leaving in six weeks. Kind of sad. I am learning… Foods that taste fabulous when I binge on them for emotional reasons usually don't taste nearly as good when I'm eating them out of real hunger.
Around the house... rain.
A favorite quote for today...
"That popping sound? That's not an injury; that's my joints clapping for me." Dom from Bro Science on YouTube
"You crave what you eat." - Lysa TerKeurst
One of my favorite things... the fact that I'm not picky about what brand of toilet paper I use. I'm going to go a long way in life.
A few plans for the rest of the week: Training run Monday. YMCA 5k on Saturday. If we can get some sunny days, I'm hoping to catch up on my miles. All this rain, plus a few days of not feeling well (including today) have kept me off the trail.
A peek into my day...
Got in 6 miles on my bike Saturday between thunderstorms.
And now for something totally different...
From Twitter: @jonahray tweeted: "I want to know the thought process behind following somebody you despise on social media."
From YouTube: Somebody shared this video at CR Friday night.
From YouTube: The new season of Whose Line is it Anyway started this week:
From Twitter: @KellyBergg tweeted: "I have discovered that [there's] no popcorn in popcorn chicken. I guess there's no point in bothering with hash browns then."
Speaking of April 15th...what's the most 'taxing' thing you've done recently?
One fun taxing thing I've done recently was finishing the challenging course of College of Nursing 5k. A not-so-fun taxing thing was reading the last book I finished for my reading challenge. That's 200 pages of reading time that I'll never get back. Currently, the most taxing thing I'm doing is job hunting while working on my health.
When did you last take a taxi somewhere and where was that somewhere?
I didn't have a ride, so I took a taxi almost 20 years ago to a doctor's office in Anniston.
What's something you can do today that you couldn't do a year ago?
Sorry, I can't think of anything.
How often is chicken (in some form or fashion) on your menu at home? Which of the following would you most like to see on your table tonight...a chicken salad sandwich, your mom's fried chicken, a Chick-fil-A meal, Cracker Barrel's chicken n' dumplings, a roast chicken dinner with all the trimmings, or 'hold the chicken, I'm a vegetarian'...?
I'm from the South, so it's kind of a rule that I eat chicken. All of these choices are so good, but I would have to say Cracker Barrel's chicken and dumplings with all the extras: biscuits, hashbrown casserole, etc. I haven't been to Cracker Barrel since 2012, so that, or any meal from there, would indeed be a treat.
What was your favorite television program when you were a kid? What characters do you remember the most?
That's a tough one. The 80's had so many good programs plus revivals of great programs. My favorite new program from the era was The Cosby Show. Revivals of The Monkees and Batman top my awesome list. I think Batgirl is the one I remember the most. Her outfit is a fitness inspiration for me. One of my goals after getting to my goal weight it to wear a replica costume for Halloween.
What was the last piece of 'art' you made?
I finished up these projects last week:
What frustrates you most about the Internet?
"Laptop gangstas" and internet trolls. Look, I know that the 'net gives us more freedom of expression, but people who hide behind fake names and avatars in order to be cruel and crass are the highest form of an immature coward. I allow anonymous comments on my blog because the verification screens are a pain in the rump. However, if someone uses that anonymity to be a jackass and not have anything constructive to say, they get deleted. So far, that's only happened once. The internet motto should be "if you don't have the balls to say it to the person's face, keep it to yourself."
Another gripe I have is pages so full of ads that the content you want won't load or the page crashes. And then there's the Olive Garden commercial on YouTube...
Insert your own random thought here.
I'm thinking of new recipes to try.
I've got a couple more art projects in the works.
I'm reading several really good books right now.
Online job applications have become a joke. Now, companies are doing online personality assessments to determine your eligibility for employment. They are full of questions with no real answers. Sorry, but I consider this lazy. Interview me, talk to me face to face, find out about the real me, not Freud's warped definition of employee X.
If you would like to join in and post your own Daybook, please head on over to visit Peggy at The Simple Woman's Daybook
For Today: Sunday, April 12, 2015
Outside my window … Cloudy skies and cooler air. It's been unseasonably warm and the pollen has been thick, so a cooling rain would be most welcome.
I am thinking... about my health/recovery journey. I have read a lot books, done many programs and Bible studies, and attended nearly seven years of Celebrate Recovery meetings and will continue to do so. However there needs to be a drastic shift in my approach. I'm weary of the continuous navel gazing I've been doing. Yes, looking at my past was important to make a valuable analysis of why I continued to slowly kill myself and continued to fall into paralyzing depression. Now, quite frankly, I'm so sick of it I could upchuck. Yes, my childhood sucked, my teens, 20's, and 30's sucked. However, I don't see how continuing to rehash and relive, and keep digging up all these horrors will make my present life less sucky. I had started to do the 12-step study again, but after lesson one, my stomach lurched, and I though no, we're not going there again. One good thing I got out of the book I suffered through this week is this; my present reactions to situations are based on past hurts and rejections. I realize that I still need help---help to learn how to live in the now and enjoy it, not how to drudge up more crap from the past and curl up in a ball wanting to die. I'm tired of being a rejected 6-year old in a nearly 43 year old body. I'm tired of being defined by my pain. I'm done will the belief that I will merely be pitied and tolerated because of my suffering rather than loved because I am beautifully lovable.
I am thankful... for God's gift of music.
In the kitchen... My body is begging for veggies. Hopefully, I'll get to the grocery store tomorrow. If I have to eat another peanut butter sandwich, I'm going to hurl. In all fairness, I've been too tired to cook, so I've grabbed what was quick. I'm back to the sleeping but not resting mode that I loathe.
From the Workshop...
Finished up two projects this week. The wreath above was this month's senior dance door prize. The painting below was a door prize for the College of Nursing 5k.
I'm still working on the birdhouse quilt-ghan. I've also got ideas for a couple of paintings. Remember, my tulip painting from the last datebook is still for sale here.
I am reading... Finished reading Women, Food, and God by Geneen Roth. The review is here. Currently off the shelf:
I am looking forward to... ultimate freedom. I am learning… there is no deeper prison, no more atrocious torture than fear. And I hate it.
Around the house... Regular chores.
A favorite quote for today...
“If we are going to be ready for Jesus Christ, we have to stop being religious (that is, using religion as a higher kind of culture) and be spiritually real.” - Oswald Chambers
"Seriously. Calling a runner a jogger is like calling a police officer a mall security guard. " - Brendan Saur
One of my favorite things... Baseball. GO BRAVES!
A few plans for the rest of the week: Not sure if I'm doing anything special or different.
A peek into my day...
Wednesday, I got in my first outside bike ride of the year. I was tired as all get out, but it was worth it.
Saturday, I participated in the first ever College of Nursing 5k at Jacksonville State University. I finished in 58:39, slightly faster than the last 5k.
Saturday night was prom night for many of my friends' high schoolers. Sigh. I don't know what's worse, Prom Night or Elite Weekend. Since people are posting their little darlings photos...
This is from my senior prom. The "gentleman" in the photo is my sister's boyfriend. She and my Mom paid him to take me to the prom since no one had asked me. From the picture, you can see why. It's about as bad as the sympathy date I went on in college, but that's another story I'd like to forget.
From Twitter: @GregBQuotes tweeted: "When you got more chins than a Chinese phone book, that's a fat neck. That's technically not a chin…that's not…that's a neck."
From Twitter: @MildlyAmused tweeted: "We thought the future would be flying cars but it's actually arguing with a motion sensor about whether or not your hands are in the sink."
Why: Like The Daniel Plan, I though this book would be another helpful tool in my arsenal against food addiction.
Rating (on a scale of 1-4 hashtags): #
What it's about: The author asserts that one's eating habits are a direct reflection of his spiritual life. She asserts that her techniques will negate the negative effects of this connection.
Favorite Quotes:
"No matter what we weigh, those of us who are compulsive eaters have anorexia of the soul. We refuse to take in what sustains us. We live lives of deprivation. And when we can't stand it any longer, we binge. The way we are able to accomplish all of this is by the simple act of bolting--of leaving ourselves--hundreds of times a day." - p. 37
"At some point, it becomes about the weight. When you can't live the rest of your life with ease, the weight itself needs to be addressed. Not so that you can become super-model thin. Not so that you can look like an image in your mind that has nothing to do with your body, your age, your life. You need to address the weight because without addressing it, you don't actually live. You schlep yourself from place to place, out of breath. Sitting is painful. Flying is torturous. Going to the movies is challenging. You become so burdened with the problem you've created that your life become small and your focus becomes narrow. Life become about your limitations. What you can and cannot do. How much you can hide. How ashamed you are of yourself. You close down your senses, you leave the world of sounds, of color, of laughter in favor of a reality you've created yourself. If you keep using food as a drug, if your life becomes about your weight, you miss everything that is not related to your weight problem. You die without ever having lived." pp. 59-60
"...the associations we have with feelings are in the past....It's that we perceive a present-day feeling through historical eyes. Through the eyes of a child." p. 103
What I Liked:
The one epiphany I gleaned from this volume is this. I have grown weary with my present emotional connection with food being based on past emotions. I'm tired of navel gazing and reliving childhood hurts over and over in the name of "recovery." Could we please move on and learn to live in the now? To eat in the now?
What I didn’t like:
The author's reference to God is a misnomer. Roth admits at the very beginning that she doesn't believe in the God of the Bible. Her belief is in more of a higher power--basically, a supreme being she can make out of what she wants--and sometimes that higher power is her. Had I known this, I most likely would not have purchased the book. It was in the Christian book section of the thrift store. Whoever stocked the shelves may have just seen "God" in the title and assumed--just like I did.
It's a quick read, but it still takes her a long time to even remotely get to the point. Although Roth makes it a point to tell the reader what's wrong with diets and deprivation, she leaves the reader quite spiritually and mentally empty with a lot of flowery maxims, but no real substance to hang onto.
Her "eat what you want when you're hungry and feel your feelings when you are not" approach looks good on paper, but in reality reads of resigning oneself to poor mental and physical health. This, she calls the Guidelines, goes into a multi chapter monologue where she describes what eating her way should accomplish, but not how to go about doing it until the very last page of the book. Apparently, Roth forgot that eating what one wants and listening to one's body is what causes excessive bodily weight gain. Her assumptions about mental health asserts that "no one is broken," however, her method of dealing with feelings, called the Inquiry (which is never fully described), dives into that brokenness. Her technique, plus her sentence structure shows that she is confused and wants others to be confused also. Sorry, this has "Guru trying to sell a book but doesn't have a clue" written all over it.
If you're sensitive to language, you won't like this one.
Since when is this only a female problem?
To sum up:
Although this book has a few good points, it's not a volume I would read again. I also wouldn't recommend it to anyone.
Besides leftover Easter goodies, what's something currently kept in a basket at your house?
Nope, no leftover Easter goodies. The Easter Bunny didn't visit me, but I do have plenty of yarn.
'The greater danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it.' ~Michelangelo Buonarroti )
So which one are you...the one who aims too high, or the one who aims too low? Have you ever seen The Sistine Chapel? Did you know Michelangelo's surname prior to answering this question?
Oh, I definitely aim too low. I think it's to try to avoid disappointment, but that's not healthy thinking. Zig Ziglar is first person I remember saying this truth "If you aim at nothing, you will hit it every time."
Nope, I've never seen the Sistine Chapel and for all I knew, Michelangelo's surname was "how ya doin'?"
April 7th is National Beer Day. Hmmm...wonder how that's celebrated? Do you like beer? Have a favorite? If you're not a beer drinker do you have any recipes you enjoy cooking that call for beer?
I liked beer when I was a teen, but I don't care for it now. My favorite was plain old Budweiser. Now, the only use I have for beer is to kill slugs when I grow tomatoes...and I haven't grown tomatoes in a coon's age.
Speaking of Beer: Famous last words of any Southern man, "Hey, hold my beer an' watch'is!"
When did you last travel somewhere new? Tell us where? How'd it go?
The value of _________________________is greatly overrated.
This is going to piss off a lot of people, but my answer is motherhood. KEEP READING; DON'T ASSUME. This is not a slam on my mother, or anyone else's mother for that matter; it is an acknowledgement that although motherhood has been presented as the only use for a woman, I am not cut out for it. As much as I love kids and enjoyed teaching, I would make a terrible mother. I would not submit a husband or children to my issues and damage, so for me, it's overrated.
What's a pet peeve of yours when it comes to restaurant dining?
The restaurant being so dark that I can't read the menu or see my food. For the love of Mike, turn some lights on!
It's Poetry Month...share a favorite poem, either the title, a few lines you find meaningful, or the whole kit and caboodle.
From Whose Line is it Anyway: Scenes from a Hat:
Poems about embarrassing moments...
I was held up at gunpoint.
I did not know what to do.
He said, "Give me your money!"
and I made number two!
-Wayne Brady
First lines of the worst poems ever written...
When I was drunk
you were beautiful...
-Wayne Brady
Can you tell I'm not really into poetry? To quote Craig Ferguson, "Hey, you want class? Watch PBS!"
Insert your own random thought here.
My energy level is much better than it was last week. I'm ready to start cycling outside (I think). Pictures to follow.
I finished another book in my full shelf challenge. The review is here. It's not too late to join the challenge.
Got a sneak peek at the course for Saturday's College of Nursing 5k at Jacksonville State University today. It's going to be a good fun race.
I'm thinking of starting an "Auntie Dictionary." Are there names, places, phrases, acronyms, etc. that I use in my blog that I haven't thoroughly explained? Let me know. If the dictionary isn't necessary, I'm not going to waste your time with it.
If you would like to join in and post your own Daybook, please head on over to visit Peggy at The Simple Woman's Daybook
For Today: Sunday, April 5, 2015
Outside my window … Cool breezes and partly cloudy skies.
I am thinking...
About whether I'm being a total nob or not. I've got several friends who have expressed interested in cycling with me, yet they refuse my invitations, but continue to plan and have cycling sessions with each other. Look, I freely admit that I'm a slow cyclist and can't yet go long distances and I know there are scheduling conflicts. My beef isn't even with that. My beef is that they say they want us to ride together, but never do. Just say you don't want to ride with me. I prefer honesty over cordial BS any time.
I'm also thinking about Anorexia Nervosa. I go through cycles where I look at documentaries and literature on the disorder. It started when I did a research paper on eating disorders in college. My thoughts tend to run on a similar track when this happens. I blogged about it the last time I went through the cycle nearly 3 years ago:
I was watching a documentary on YouTube about a young girl in a group treatment facility for anorexia. I was fascinated by a statement one of the girls made:
There’s someone who lives in your head, but she’s moved the real you out of your brain and just sort of left a tiny bit of it and she controls your brain and everything you do.
First, this quote answers your question: Why is she watching videos about anorexia? She's fat. I watched them because 1) I envy these girls for their appearance of discipline to simply not eat and/or to exercise excessively (I said I envy the discipline, not the disorder) and 2) because I wanted to understand the mentality of someone who was dangerously thin, yet still thought they were fat. I have found that in my case, the mentality of the obese and the anorexic is shockingly similar. I have often felt that I was under the control of an "alternate" me. No, not disassociation or demon possession, but a fracture between the outside me and the inside me. The outside me is the one people see; the people pleaser, the chameleon fueled by the fleeting strength of the false bravado of someone without a care or need. The real me, the inside me, is the me I one I want to see when I look in the mirror and I'm shocked when I don't. She is strong and healthy, has friends and is free to express needs Then there's "HER": the mediator between the inside me and the outside me. "HER" is the taskmaster who yells in my head: "unworthy of love" "fat, ugly, lazy, disgusting slob!" "Only a two pound weight loss, that's not good enough! YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH!" "FAILURE!" "Who do you think you are?!" "You might as well give up and eat. EAT! EAT! EAT!" "HER" propels me toward junk food like a junkie toward crack, all the while soothing me with the lie of, "It will get better. This is the last time you'll have to do this." In all this, the real me gets lost; locked deeper and deeper into a prison cell--a limited space with no prospect of escape (much less thriving).
I'm making strides to change, but "HER" is still fighting for control.
I'm also thinking about something a "friend" said to my Friday, "You've just got more smarts than you should have." What the Sam Hill is THAT supposed to mean? "Hey, I'm not comfortable with your intelligence. I need you to be stupid to make me feel better." This is the same person who said in all seriousness that they felt more comfortable if I stayed fat. I don't even have any more room to be angry; just simply done.
I am thankful... For the death, burial, and resurrection of Christ.
I'm also thankful for a 70 mile walking/running month. That's a total of 180 for the year. I'm caught up for my MAD x 2 goal.
In the kitchen... Had a little Easter feast over the weekend. I baked a turkey breast and made potato salad; my housemate baked a ham. We added a few side dishes and voila.
From the Workshop...
THIS is how my paintings should be matted and framed. Much better, huh? For those who were wondering, my work is listed for sale here or here.
Update on birdhouse quilt-ghan. As you can see, I've nearly gotten the fence built. I had another project to finish up for Easter, so I've not done much work on it. This week, I'll be adding much more to the project. Stay tuned.
I am reading... Finished reading Dream Thieves by Rick Renner. The review is here. Currently off the shelf:
I am looking forward to... My thighs not rubbing together when I walk.
I am learning… That I hate being an afterthought.
Around the house... Nothing special.
A favorite quote for today...
One of my favorite things... Cooing babies.
A few plans for the rest of the week: I've got "little old lady" duty this week. My housemate has a doctor's appointment Monday; my mom on Tuesday. I thought we were getting a break with the Community Band after our concert. Apparently we're not, but I am! I'm also running a 5k on Saturday.
A peek into my day...
The Calhoun County Community Band had our Winter/Spring concert on Tuesday. It was so much fun. A big thank you to my local peeps who made it out to the concert. In the picture is my buddy, Caleb, my housemate's great grandson. He's a budding musician. I may have only showed him how NOT to play, but oh well.
My sister Clara and I went out to Oxford lake and took a stroll on Saturday. It was gorgeous, as usual, and the ducks were in rare form. I need to walk there more often.
And now for something totally different...
NEW!
Sometimes things you see or hear just hit so hard you've got to ask...
Leah M. and I walked on the Ladiga Trail today and saw this in the bushes just off the trail. Yes, it is a toilet. I don't know what the point of putting it there was; there's better facilities close by.
The Atlanta Braves traded Craig Kimbrel and one other player to the Padres for seven players. That's as bad as the Bergdahl trade for the terrorists. What were they thinking?
From Twitter: @GregBQuotes: "I'm just weird that way, if I don't get invited, hell, I won't show up!" To @BillBubbaBussey Who Asked Why Greg Missed His Christmas Party (Rick and Bubba Show)
From a Google search when I was looking for something completely different:
