Monday, June 18, 2012

Am I Worth It?

Spent the weekend reading health articles and blogs and watching fitness related stuff on youtube (with an occasional shift to Drew Carey's Improvaganza J).  In my search, I came across this gem:

I teared up watching it.  This was a group of people who used the various means available for them to lose the weight and get healthy.  Feeling inspired, I made the mistake of reading the comments after the video.  Some goober actually had the nerve to say:

personally I dont think this vid is good at all,..YES you are worth it worth learning to eat right, workout and lose weight without being sliced and diced and taking the easy way out

First, I'm going to be nice and not go off about the horrendous grammar and punctuation (I copied it verbatim).  Second, I've learned recently that the portion of the Internet community with sense and manners will cull the "trolls" ( definition from an Internet term for a person who, through willful action, attempts to disrupt a community or garner attention and controversy through provocative messages).  So, I kept reading without making comments of my own.  Well, the author stepped in herself:
My message was that everyone is worth the fight against obesity. To make a change and get healthy. Not everyone in this video had surgery and not everyone NEEDS surgery. In my case I have been morbidly obese most of my life. I was 180lbs by the time I was 8 years old. Around 260 between middle and highschool [sic] and gained up weight topping 430lbs in my early 20's. I needed help, a saving grace to get me on the right track and for me and some in this video surgery was our tool.

So, what does this have to do with me?  I've been struggling with my weight all my life.  I was a chubby little girl.  I weighed 171 pounds in 6th grade.  More that 200 pounds racked my frame all during high school (marching snare drum in the band is the only thing that kept my heart from being as big as a watermelon).  I weighed over 300 pounds in college.  The most success I've had with weight loss was last year when I got down to 211.  Now, my weight is creeping up slowly again.  Why, with all this information, can't I get it together?  I've lost the will to live.  Why else would I keep eating and drinking poison?  Why else would I continue to try to appease people who obviously don't have my best interest at heart?

In all this time, I've never thought I was worth it.  My trying to get healthy has always been about someone else:  losing weight to be liked, to not embarrass my friends, to not be a health burden on anyone else, to be a good example to the church, etc.  It's never been about me.  I've always been taught that making anything about me was selfish or being a spoiled brat.  I recently heard it said that "a Christian should never feel hopeless or in dispair."  Oh great, something else to feel like a failure for, something else to FIX for someone else's benefit.

So, where do I go from here?  If I could just start over...if I could just be worth it...

1st grade:  1978  (that's my Daddy)

Graduation from JSU in 1995:  Over 300lbs

Last Easter:  2011 (That's my Mom)


  1. Shannon, you ARE WORTH IT!!! You have SO many talents, which you are sharing with the world. As your friend, if I may still call myself that, I KNOW how you enrich others' lives!!! You helped me through the worst time in my life (at that time). It's NOT YOUR FAULT!!! You don't EVER have to please ANYONE else!! Don't even THINK about that!!! This battle is fought with you and the Lord. I AM the one who NEVER should have been conceived!!! YOU are doing amazing things. You help others, and you are BEYOND creative!!! You have value, Shannon. I'm always praying and hoping the best for you, even if you still hate me!!! I love you, and God BLESS you!!!

  2. WHY do I need "approval" to get published??? I"M the one on my way out. They want to do surgery on me to "check" something more closely. Why should they even bother??? I can't even get "approved" to send a message to my best friend!!! No wonder my hair is falling out, and I have disfiguring acne. I'm the one who's GONE!!! Shannon, carry on!!!

    1. Because there are spammers, nut jobs, and hateful people who hide behind a fake name and an avatar. They are cyber bullies who would never have the balls to say the things to my face that they write in my blog comments. It is to protect you as well as me. Besides, I didn't decide that you needed approval (most of the time they go through), but the website decided so. If they think you might be spam, they will send your post to me for approval. Either way, they are being read by me.