I Do Science: Experiment #1: Defeating the Winter of Discontent [My Mythical Year] [Thursday Thirteen]

See my post here for more information on My Mythical Year.




For this badge, I decided to conduct two experiments.    This is the first.

 

"Now is the winter of our discontent." - William Shakespeare.  Richard III. 

"But does it have to be EVERY winter?!" - Auntie.

 

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD):  Years ago, many thought it was a made-up hype disease, including me.  I mean, doesn't everyone get depressed, isolate themselves and contemplate suicide every winter?  Seriously, I thought it was made up.  That is, of course, until I was diagnosed with it by a bona fide clinician.

Now recognized in the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, SAD is a seasonal disorder that exhibits symptoms of major depression.  Some of the symptoms I experience are:

• Lethargy and over sleeping.
• Increased appetite for simple carbohydrates or bingeing on junk food.
• Weight gain (well duh!).
• Abnormal social anxiety leading to isolation (including avoiding positive social media).
• Loss of interest in favorite activities (reading, painting, crafts).
• Cognitive issues / brain fog (brain fart syndrome, or as I call it, my blond roots showing way too much).
• Sadness for unknown reasons.
• Feeling of hopelessness and worthlessness leading to thoughts of suicide.

I'd gone through this cycle for years without really knowing why.  The most serious case of it was in 2015 when I wrote this and had every intention of carrying it out.  After sharing my struggle with some friends I trusted, I got some help that got me over the hump. Yet, every year, I suffered with this pernicious blight.

This winter, I decided that I'd had enough of giving up months of productivity and joy.  I'd had enough of suffering in silent isolation.  I'd had enough of watching those around me living life while I withered away in a corner like a forgotten houseplant.

For this experiment, I went old school Science class:

Elements of the experiment:

• The independent variable - my mind, mood, attitude and general mental health through this experiment.
• The dependent variable (expected outcome) - that I not experience any major depressive episodes during the experiment.
• The control group - I'd consider my mental health during all the years of suffering with SAD without knowing how to treat it the control group.
• The constant - the daily strategies outlined in this experiment.
• The Inference - the results, which I will expound on at the end of the experiment.
• The duration of the experiment - If I made it from November 1st through the first week of new year without any major depressive episodes, I considered the experiment a success.  That's the timeframe when the majority of my symptoms occur the strongest.

Conducting the Experiment: Thirteen strategies (or the constants)  for dealing with SAD.

#1 - Get the right information. 

Though I'd researched Seasonal Affective Disorder on my own, getting information directly from a counselor or clinician was necessary to confirm that I was on the right track.  My mentor is a clinician and found my strategies solid.   I also spoke with the Program Director of our counseling program.  Not only did he find my strategies solid, but gave me more information and additional strategies. 

#2 - Go green.

For me, one thing that make a residence feel like home is plants.  Back home, I had houseplants, flower beds to tend, and an occasionally productive vegetable garden.  Since my new place doesn't have a yard and I'm on a tight budget, I had to get creative in my quest for greenery.  Several people at work have nice plants and graciously allowed me to take cuttings to root (the plant on the right is an example).  I was in the grocery store and found an inexpensive, rather forlorn peace lily.  After watering and tending it for about a month, I split it into two plants--one for work and one for home.  Over the months, I've been blessed with several more plants.  As budget allows, I will continue to add to the collection.

 

Why is this important?  Not only do the plants bring beauty to my world, but they also give me a living thing for which to be responsible.  I take plant care as seriously as I would pet care, so doing my part to make sure these plants live and thrive is very important to me.  Even on my "blue" days, caring for my growing menagerie of flora boosts my mood. 

#3 - Increase my vitamin intake; especially Vitamin D. 

Much of the research suggests that one factor of SAD involves Vitamin D deficiency.  With shorter days giving less sunlight, winter temperatures giving less opportunities for outdoor activities, and seasonal dietary changes that may not include enough Vitamin D-rich foods, I not only took a twice daily vitamin/mineral supplement that included vitamin D, but took an extra vitamin D supplement in the evenings.  I did keep an eye out for symptoms of overconsumption.



#4 - Bring comfort to my surroundings.

 

As I mentioned in this post, I decided to employ the Norwegian concept of koselig.  Like the popular Danish concept of hygge, koselig is the act of finding the cozy of the season. I bought a cozy fleece throw for my couch, an assortment of flavored coffees and teas to enjoy, and some treats to make bath time more relaxing.  I also worked to dump my normal winter mindset of dread.  The biggest part of koselig and hygge isn't simply procuring comforting items, but developing a more positive mindset around the season.  Embracing the cozy, if you will.



#5 - Watch or listen to something funny or that improves my mood.

 

The Bible says that "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones" (Proverbs 17:22 KJV).  When I'm feeling depressed, the last thing I want to do is listen to uplifting music or watch a funny video, yet keeping that kind of content going on good days makes it easier to partake of when my mood isn't the best.  YouTube was my best resource for funny or uplifting videos.  My Spotify "Happy 911" playlist was my source for music that improved my mood.

#6 - Don't power through or ignore negative feelings.

 

There were days that no matter what I did, my mood was down.  Sickness, negative circumstances (and people), adverse weather conditions, hormones, and erratic sleep patterns wreaked havoc with my emotions.  In the past, I would try to power through or medicate (mostly with food) those emotions to not feel them.  This strategy not only made the pain last longer, but increased its intensity.  I let myself experience the emotion and process through it to find possible solutions to the issues causing the turn.  I was also honest with and asked for prayer from those close to me.



#7 - Don't power through or ignore sickness.

I rarely get sick, but this winter found me battling two rounds of the ick.  The first was during my Christmas vacation, so I wasn't out and about much anyway.  The second hit just as I went back to work and I really didn't feel right about taking sick leave immediately after a vacation.  However, trying to power through it seriously cut down on my productivity and worsened my mood.  After a few days of this, I bit the bullet and took time off to do nothing but rest.  I spent several days in bed recuperating.  It was the best thing I could have done for myself.



#8 - Get outside as often as weather permits.

 

One of the benefits of Colorado winters it that the bitter cold isn't extended.  Plus, winters here aren't ugly and we usually get plenty of sunshine between snowstorms.  Along with our daily lunch break, we are allotted a couple of short breaks throughout the day.   When temperatures allowed, I would go for a stroll, soak up some sun (thus vitamin D), occasionally listen to music, and take pictures of anything I thought was beautiful or interesting (thus the photo above).  It got me away from the screen, got me moving, and worked wonders for my psyche.   If the weather was too yucky, I would go to one of our conference rooms and admire the scenery from the large windows.  Admittedly, not the same, but better than nothing.

#9 - Keep my brain active.

One of the symptoms of SAD is a loss of interest in enjoyable activities.  Reading is one of my favorite activities.  Even when I was feeling my worst, I would play an audiobook to focus my mind on something intellectual (most of the time).   If I couldn't focus on something new, I would pull out a old favorite and reread parts of it.



#10 - Treat myself.

Yes, I know I'm on the Dave Ramsey plan, but even he said that if we don't add a little fun to our lives, we will be miserable and give up working the baby steps altogether.  A small treat like a Starbucks coffee,  an inexpensive used book from the library bookstore or thrift store, or a little something from Mythical worked wonders.  Plus, I had gift cards I'd been hoarding since my birthday with which I could purchase treats for myself.

#11 - Keep moving.

 

One of the best mood boosters is exercise.  Whether it's throwing in a workout DVD, taking a walk outside, or cranking up the music and putting the pedal to the metal on my bike, movement usually lifts my mood and helps me sleep a little better.

#12 - Keep the creativity going.

 

While many of my ongoing art projects went unfinished, I thoroughly enjoyed creating handmade cards, ornaments, and presents for Christmas and baby arrivals.  Sharing my creativity with others brings me joy.

#13 - Stay social.

This was the toughest one.  Thought I'm a very social person, when the icy tendrils of the mulligrubs start to claw at me, the last thing I want to do is be around people--for their sake and mine.  However, I'm well enough experienced in social media to know that it's no substitute for true fellowship--only a supplement.  So, when necessary, I forced myself to avoid prolonged isolation.  Another thing that helped is that the weather didn't cause me to miss as many church services as last winter, so worshiping with my church family definitely kept me connected to community.

The Results

I am pleased to announce that the experiment was a success!  I made it through the toughest part of the winter months with no major depressive episodes.  Was my mood perfect throughout?  No, but I never got into despair, and ending my life didn't even cross my mind.

As winter gives way to spring (whenever that is--Colorado remember?), I will continue to employ these strategies. 

White and Nerdy [Thursday Thirteen]

First, my life's theme song for context....

The word nerd was coined in the 1950's but I'm not sure who was the first to use the term.  I suppose I've been a nerd from the word go.  However, nerdom has changed since I was a band nerd in high school.  Some references are universal while others change like the March winds.

One of my favorite new podcasts is Beyond the Trope.  As their introduction states, it's a podcast for nerds.  While I thoroughly enjoy the show, many of their references go right over my head.  So, maybe we need to determine whether I'm truly nerdy enough or not.

Here are thirteen observations about my nerdiness (or not).

Nerdy enough?	Not Nerdy enough?
Likes Star Trek from TOS to DS9.	Doesn't know what fan fiction is.
Understands obscure 80's references.	Doesn't know what "steampunk" means.
Avid reader.	Never read Harry Potter or Chronicles of Narnia. *
Star Wars original trilogy? Yes	The new movies?  Nope.
Likes comic book superheroes (Batman, Wonder Woman etc)	Doesn't know how to read comic books.
Can quote Monty Python and the Holy Grail.	Knows nothing about Lord of the Rings.
Adam West's Batman? Absolutely	Ben Affleck as Batman?  What the heck?
Seen every adaptation of  Whose Line is it Anyway?	What's Dr. Who?
YouTube	No TV
Has seen The Princess Bride more than 20 times.	Didn't care for Back to the Future.
Thinks Spock is awesome.	Thinks Sheldon Cooper is a butthole.
Wants a Pac-man machine.	War of Warcraft makes no sense.
Understands Microsoft products.	Baffled by Apple products.

So, you tell me, am I nerdy enough?

*Update:  I've read The Magician's Nephew and The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.  I still don't get it.

Casting Pods Before Swine [Thursday 13]

Podcasting, that wonderful audio medium that allows an individual to speak his heart and mind, and interact with the rest of the world.  Everyone from stay at home moms to the Hollywood elite can, and do, have successful podcasts.  Yes, I'm a fan.

For several years, I've been knocking around the idea of starting a podcast.  I've even had friends tell me I would be great at it, but I still haven't completed one episode.  I'd create the audio, start editing it, and think nah!  Here I am in the throws of a new life adventure and considering it again.  However, there are still some roadblocks.

Here are thirteen concerns about why I don't have a podcast...yet:

1. Quite frankly the thought of it excites me, but also scares the pee out of me. 
2. Would anyone listen to it?  It's such a comfort to know how many of you read my blog, but would you be willing to hear my voice and encourage others to do so? 
3. Do I even have time for this?  I just moved across the country and have started job hunting, so do I really have time for yet another project?
4. What would I talk about?  Some podcasts I've heard are nothing more than an hour of whining or exhausting self promotion that bring no value to the listener.  I don't want that to y'all.  I want my podcast to be entertaining as well as informative.  Can I really pull that off and still be open and honest?  I also don't want it to simply be an audio version of my blogs.
5. Equipment and software:  On my old desktop computer that was still running Windows XP (!!), I had a great audio recorder program.  However, all that old equipment went to the happy hunting grounds before my move.  I thought I could use the same program on my laptop, however, it doesn't even recognize my microphone, or the audio inputs.  This makes the program totally useless!  I downloaded the free Audacity program...and there it sits...waiting to be used...and I don't know how to use it.  I don't even know where to start. I'm afraid to fool with it since I don't even know if it will work either.  This is ridiculous! I spent a semester at JSU learning to do audio editing with a grease pencil and a razor blade, surely I can figure this out!
6. What about music?  No podcast is complete without some music and sounds to sooth the talking head. BUT from what I understand, I can't use just any music.  I'd have to pay for it.  So there goes using Uptown Funk as my podcast theme, or having an 80's dance party in the middle of it.  Maybe I can find something free on the web...??
7. Budget:  How professional could my podcast be using all free stuff?
8. Where would I put it?  Again, is there a place where you can listen to it that doesn't cost an arm, a leg, and a kidney?
9. How long should it be?  Should I just do some initial "quickies" and make it longer if people listen, or just dive right in?
10. How often should I post it?  I don't want to be that friend who checks in too often, and I also want to have something interesting to talk about.  Is once a week enough?  How about once every two weeks?
11. Should it be solo, or should I interview people, or a little of both?  If I interview people, how would I do it?  Back to the equipment and software issue.
12. What do I call it?  Do I link the name with my blogs, or come up with something completely off the wall?
13. What if it sucks?  What if it doesn't?

I welcome all serious, and constructive feedback.

31 Days of 5 Minute Free Writes 2016 - 13: "Aware" [Thursday Thirteen]



GO!  

I've seen so much ridiculousness on the internet in the name of "raising awareness."  From the ice bucket challenge for ALS to a woman running a marathon during her menstrual cycle with no feminine protection for a point no one understood (that was nasty), this nuttiness brings more attention to the person posting than the actual cause.  Below is a list of things we really need to be made aware of--or re-aware if we've forgotten.

(Almost)



1. Glaucoma - thousands are blinded by this disease every year.
2. Orphaned baby girls in China - many churches know about their plight.  Do you?
3. Adult illiteracy - yes, there are still people in this country who can't read.
4. Depression and mental illness among functional adults.  It's readily visible among those who are debilitated by it, but what of those who appear normal?  Case in point; Robin Williams.
5. Eating disorders.
6. Sickle cell anemia.
7. Kids with fatherless homes - How about some of you men mentor these kids and teach them how not to repeat the cycle?
8. Type I Diabetes - Type II gets all the press.
9. Religious persecution of Christians - we hear in the media about persecution of other religions, but not this one. 
10. How about your neighbors who are in need?  We need to be aware of  and do something about that.

STOP!

So, I didn't make it to 13, but do you get my point?  Don't let social media be your only source of awareness.  There is suffering everywhere.  Let's be agents of change, rather than adding to the agony.

Why My Future Children May Hate Me [Thursday Thirteen]

I've been an Auntie since birth, but I've not yet had the privilege of having my own children.  There's been a lot of talk about how spoiled, undisciplined, and disrespectful children are right now.  To be honest, we've always had these kind of children around.  However, their numbers seem to be growing exponentially.  To keep my prospective progeny from being one of their number, here are 13 things I'm willing to let my kids hate me for.  Trust me, there are a LOT more, but we'll stick with the format.

1. I will continue to hug you, kiss you, and tell you "I love you" for as long as I am physically able.  The first time you think you're too old for it, I'm writing you out of my will.  Don't believe me?  Ask you cousins.
2. I will say "no" a lot.  My parents said it to me and I lived.  So will you.
3. I make the rules.  You want different rules?  Get your own house and pay your own bills.
4. Like my parents, I do believe in the power of the belt.  Don't push it.
5. I really don't give a rip what you're friends do or have.  They don't live at my house...and the way they act, be happy if I even let them play at my house.
6. I'm not going to entertain you 24/7.  You have an imagination, use it.  I will limit your TV, video game, and electronics time.  Go outside and play.  Read a REAL book.
7. I will institute a "no whining" zone that shall not be removed for your entire lifetime.  I taught a room full of preschoolers with the zone in play and it worked.  You should be no problem.  Whining is so beneath you; so stop it.
8. You will not get an allowance, you will earn your money. I'm not the government, so I'm not paying you to do nothing.  Yes, you will get gifts and bonuses, but they will not be dictated by you (see #7).
9. You're not getting a car at 16.  I didn't get my license and first car until I was nearly 27.  I'll try to be kind enough not to make you wait that long.  Oh, by the way, you will be buying your own gas and paying for your own insurance and repairs, so waiting sounds a lot better, doesn't it?
10. You're not getting a cell phone either.  You shouldn't be anywhere that there isn't a telephone available.  Besides, since you won't have a car, I will be taking you everywhere anyway, so I'll know where you are.
11. I will help you with whatever type of postsecondary education you pursue (I said HELP, not completely provide), but if you fiddle fart around, you're on your own.  I'm not supplementing beer bashes, debauchery, or crappy grades; only education.
12. As soon as you're old enough, you WILL get a job and you WILL get out.  You're not living in my basement when you're 30.  I'm old and I want my house back!
13. If you go to jail, I will not bail you out.  Don't even call me.

I can't promise perfect children, but hopefully they will be productive citizens.  Let's hope and pray.

Loving to Hate Running [Thursday Thirteen]

I started running three years ago.  Fortunately for me, the sweet lady who coached me through the "Couch to 5k program" was very patient and encouraging, and my first race experience was a positive one.  Unfortunately, not everyone's experience brings them joy.

I've been in a Twitter discussion with some fellow RunKeeper App users.  The question was asked "What do you think would make people hate running?"  Overwhelmingly, the top answer was "PE teachers in school."  Last year, I did another post on that very subject.  I'll not belabor the point; you can read the post here.  However, in my experience with running, running clubs, participating in races, and talking to others have shown a rather disturbing trend. 

If you want your friends to learn to love running, get together with you at a local 5k, or join your fabulous running group DON'T do these 13 things:

1. Don't equate running with punishment.  Just because Coach DA used running as punishment doesn't mean we have to keep doing that to ourselves.  Running isn't easy, but it can be fun.
2. Don't make running a mutually exclusive elitist sport.  NEWSFLASH!  Every runner is NOT a string bean with 6% body fat who eats nothing but kale and sadness.  Did you know the definition of a runner?  Any person who runs!  Size, color, age, gender, speed...none of those things matter in the definition.  Things like cropping larger runners out of photos and making the running categories for large runners start at 5lbs heaver than the fastest runner you know doesn't really encourage someone with a few extra groceries on them to feel welcome.  No, I'm not talking about coddling, just a little common sense and common courtesy.
3. Don't start out doing too much too fast, or trying to push someone to do the same.  You are NOT Jillian Michaels, so cut it out!
4. Don't declare "all paces welcome" at a gathering when they aren't.  
5. Don't bring dogs to a race/group run.  The only exception is a harnessed LEGITIMATE service dog.  Look, I like dogs, however, everyone doesn't.  In fact, some people have a great fear of dogs.  Also, NOBODY wants to be bitten, lunged at, growled at, or have to encounter a hot steaming pile of poo that you didn't clean up. 
6. Do not apologize for slower runners.  Yes, this actually happened at a race last year.  I was in the back with a 66 year old woman who said she was attempting her very first 5k race.  We were in the home stretch when we heard the PA Announcer say, "We apologize for the delay in starting [our kids race]...It's a little bit of a good thing/bad thing to have so many people here..."  The lady said, "maybe I should quit and get out of the way so they can get started."  Her friend and I talked her out of it.  Hey, she paid her money like everyone else and deserves the same treatment as someone who finished in less than 20 minutes.  Plus, it wasn't like she was taking 90 minutes to finish a 5k; she finished in a little over an hour.  At a race this year, I had a sweeper keep apologizing to the people helping with the race because they had to wait on me to finish (I was last).  That is NOT helping.
7. Do not apologize for being a slower runner.  There are two instances when you shouldn't apologize for being slow; one, when you are slow, and two, when you are not slow.  Apologizing when you are slow is an insult to yourself.  Apologizing when you are not slow is an insult to everyone else.  Besides, what is slow anyway?  For me, slow is finishing a 5k race in over an hour.  For others, slow is not finishing one within 30 minutes.  No, I'm not going to throw out worn out cliché's like "slow and steady wins the race."  It sounds like sage advice, when in reality, it's a load of bull.
8. Do not take up water stops before everyone goes through.  had it happen at gatherings and races.  It's not cool, plus, as the weather heats up, it is also dangerous.
9. Do not make snarky comments about other runners.  I have to watch myself on this one.  Usually, I have to stop myself from making snarky comments about others who make nasty comments about their fellow runners.   Dr. Phillip C. McGraw once said, "My dad had taught me there are times in life when you just don't want to miss a good chance to shut up."  He's right.
10. Do not take up time cards and start award ceremonies before everyone finishes a race.  I can tell when an award ceremony at a race is going to get screwed up when they do this. 
11. Do not make running too difficult or techie.  Now, I admit to being a number nerd when it comes to running/walking.  I've got my Runkeeper app on my phone, my Garmin GPS watch (when Runkeeper is on the fritz), my Fitbit and my stopwatch when GPS doesn't work, and my lap counter when I'm using a track.  I'm well aware that everyone doesn't need or want all that and they don't care about mileage and time.  They just want to run and enjoy.  Give them the space to do that.
12. Don't lie; Do encourage.  There is a difference...and we know it.
13. Don't make everything a competition.  Bro, it's a fun run, not the Boston Marathon.

Big Girl Panties [Thursday Thirteen]

I keep hearing the phrase, "Kids are growing up way too fast" thrown around like a Rhonda Rousey punch.  But are they?  Seems to me that kids may be growing but not maturing--and there is a difference.  Seeing so many adult-aged humans running around without common sense or common courtesy saddens me.  The next time one of them comes to me and says, "You don't tell me.  I'm grown!" I'm going to show them this list and tell them to prove it.

Here are thirteen things you should be able to do as an adult.  This is not an exhaustive list, but it's a start.

Read - "Reading is a lost art and I wish people would find it."  Comedian Greg Proops, who is an avid reader, once said that technology and the internet would increase and improve reading.  So far I don't see any evidence of it.  There's a big difference between skimming through Facebook and focusing on a book (electronic or otherwise).  I posted this on another post, but it bears repeating. 

Kind of sad isn't it?  Grown people should be able to read and comprehend. 

Use Manners - Please and thank you aren't just "magic" words;  they are a reflection of your attitude  The more selfish you are, the more likely you are to act rudely...and rude people are notoriously childish.

Use proper grammar - There's nothing wrong with slang in the proper setting, but grownups should know how to speak well. 

Flush a toilet - I do believe there are people who think that every toilet automatically flushes itself.  Hey, this ain't Wal-Mart; nobody wants to be greeted to that floating around.  Also, auto flush toilets don't always work.  Check behind yourself...literally.

Wash your hands - Understand, I was a teacher for more than a decade (counting my substitute years).  I know the benefits of hand sanitizer.  However, it is NOT a substitute for good old soap and water.  It is a supplement to proper hand washing when soap and water aren't readily available.  Kind of like vitamins don't substitute for food, but they supplement nutrients that might be lacking in food.  "It's the same thing."  No, it's not.  Go play in a pile of dog doo-doo and see if you want soap and water or a squirt of hand sanitizer when you're done.

Clean up after yourself - Your mother doesn't work here...and if she did, she'd beat your tail.  Come on, I've seen people who can't throw something in a trash can, just around it.  Really?  These are the same people who would have a duck fit if their children were that careless.

Hold a verbal conversation on the phone or in person - Please, get off the phone and look people in the eye once in a while, try not to text or message everything, and for the love of Mike, listen.

Write with a pen/pencil - No joke, some schools are not teaching penmanship or handwriting anymore.  I'm sorry, but the power will go out, the wifi/data will have a glitch, or someone will hand you a form that you can't E-sign.  And remember, other people have to read that stuff.

Balance a checkbook - "Oh well,  I have electronic banking."  Good luck finding an error if you're not keeping up with it yourself.  Again, something else gone by the wayside.  We were taught how to keep a checkbook in 5th or 6th grade when we were just learning the concepts of broke and hormonal.

Conduct adult business such as paying bills and gathering information on your own -  Please stop calling me to look up phone numbers for you.  Do I look like AT&T? 

Eat - at a table, with a knife and fork, without electronics present, on real dishes, etc. 



No, just, no.

Disagree - Jon Acuff said, "Discourse in our country died the day we decided that if I disagree with you it means I hate you."  Adults can disagree without waging all out war.  There aren't many of those left.  Please become one of them.

Love - Immature love is selfish.  Mature love serves others.

Photo courtesy of praisejesusdaily.com

Just Do It [Thursday Thirteen]

Childhood can be hard on even the strongest of humans.  With dysfunctional families, bullies, or childhood ailments, making it to adulthood can be pretty rough.  Throw in physical education (PE) and even the strongest athlete in the school can be reduced to cowering in a corner in the fetal position in a hot minute.

After seriously working on my health for several years and now working in a fitness facility, I got to thinking about the mentality that makes the best of us cringe at the thought of physical exercise.  So, today's list is thirteen lies I learned in PE.

Before I begin, I must issue a caveat (or two).  This list came from my experiences with PE teachers, coaches, and self-appointed fitness gurus.  I have had some good PE teachers, and one of the best science teachers at my high school was also the girl's softball coach (and a Lionel Richie look alike BTW), so I'm by no means putting everyone in the same box.  But let's be real, PE can be one of the most traumatizing classes a child must endure.  By the way, this is NOT an endorsement for First Lady Obama's "I hate fat kids" campaign.  Her approach only makes a child's hatred of PE WORSE.  Yes, I said it, and I'm not taking it back either.

OK, see if any of this is familiar:

1. All competition is a matter of life or death.  Look, I'm a sports fan (Roll Tide) and enjoy friendly competition.  However, because many PE teachers are also coaches for school sports, they forget about friendly competition.  The class isn't going for a metal or state championship.  PE is supposed to teach kids the joy of playing various sports, but it wasn't.  This attitude is why I can't shoot a basketball and dribble better with my left hand than my dominant hand.
2. Colored socks are bad for your skin.  We were told that the dye in colored athletic socks would absorb into our skin and give us gangrene or something.  I was so scared that I didn't buy colored sports socks until THIS year.  (I graduated high school in 1990 if you would like to do the math).  We were also told that our forever white socks HAD to be cotton for the exact same reason.  Just for the record, my white cotton socks are what caused me to have blistered sweaty feet.  Haven't had a blister or sweat sopped socks and shoes since I got rid of them.
3. The myth of the African foot.  No joke, we were taught in PE that a
   
   black person's foot was structurally different from a Caucasian.  Supposedly it made blacks better sprinters and whites better distance runners.  By the way, this is still being taught in some circles.  I don't know where they learned this line of bull, but I bought it hook, line, and sinker for years.  It was actually a preacher, not a coach, who pointed out this error.  Reverend Fred Price said, in effect, "If it's true that black people's feet a built better for sprints, why are all the marathons won by some dude from Kenya running the race with no shoes on?"  Think about it.  OK, so I'm black (mostly) and I'm not a good sprinter or distance runner, so...
4. No pain, no gain, but injuries are sign of weakness.  This was decades before CrossFit.  The two worst injuries I suffered during PE were being hit in the face with a ball and either breaking or dislocating my right index finger.  Both occasions were punctuated by the shrill of a whistle and the teacher yelling at me to suck it up and get on with it (two different teachers at two different times, mind you).  Yes, while blood was pouring from my nose and my finger was swollen to twice it's size, I'm being yelled at for holding up the game.  This is where I learned the lovely art of self doctoring...which is why my index finger is still slightly crooked.
5. You can either be intelligent or athletic, but not both.  Apparently, in the eyes of some coaches, there is really no such thing as a "student athlete."  You're either a student or an athlete.  I have a vivid memory of one coach who also taught World History (name withheld to protect the guilty--but if you went to my high school, you'll know who I'm talking about) actually sat by and allowed a couple of his players in my class to blatantly cheat on a test.  Hey, if I can see you cheat, anyone can see you cheat.  Yes, he knew.  When we got out tests back, they high fived each other and Coach told them what a good job they'd done. (?!) These guys were very smart and didn't need to cheat, but apparently ball practice was more important than studying.  If I could do band practice until after dark and still get my studying done, why couldn't these clowns be expected to do the same with sports?
6. Poor man vs. rich man sports.  Kids in my neighborhood were sold the myth that the boys could only play basketball, football, and maybe baseball.  The girls?  Softball, volleyball, or track.  Nope, no tennis, swimming, golf, etc.  Those are for the rich kids on the other side of town.
7. If you can't play well, don't play at all.  Hard to play well when I don't know what the heck I'm doing.  Teach me; don't yell at me, teach me.  Again, what happened to fun?
8. Sit-ups will make you skinny.  We all know by now that 1) Crunches work your abs better than sit-ups and 2) Spot reducing does not work.  You lose weight all over and the largest tire deflates last.
9. She'll play with you; I told her to.  Have any teachers ever paid attention to what really happens when they force kids to play with someone they don't want to play with?  The "undesirable" is hated and bullied even more.  Look, I WAS the kid no one wanted to play with, so I know what I'm talking about.  When I taught, I didn't do that.  Don't get me wrong, I didn't allow the children to be mean to each other, but I didn't pick their playmates.  You know what happened?  The children found common ground and played together, even the supposed least desirable one.
10. Just do it...because this chart says you can.  If standardized tests are
    
    an indication of teacher performance, why isn't the physical fitness test an indication of the same?  The standardized tests say "Teachers need to do better" while the physical fitness test says, "You need to do better."  No, I'm not saying that my PE teachers were solely responsible for my poor health.  I'm saying that I wish we'd been taught how to enjoy movement, proper nutrition, and stress management.  Wait, shouldn't you have gotten that in health class?  Yes, but if we did, I don't remember it.  I never passed the physical fitness test.  When I've reached my fitness goal, I plan to get someone to give me the test so I can pass it as an adult.
11. Barf your way to health.  Way before The Biggest Loser some teachers and coaches had already developed the philosophy that if one wasn't crying, puking, and sweating buckets, he wasn't working hard enough.  Sad, and scary.
12. Your sister was an athlete, why aren't you?  My sister, Ida, who is
    
    eight years my senior, played softball at the same  school I later attended.  By the time I entered the halls of Jacksonville High School, those in the athletic department who knew Ida expected me to have the same athletic prowess.  However, they were sorely disappointed...and let me know so.  So, I joined the band and became my own type of athlete.  Get over it.
13. You can't.  Yes I can.  Maybe not then, but I can now.  Just watch me.

OK, so I've griped, now what am I going to DO about it?  I'm not sure, but I'd like to help both kids and adults enjoy movement.  I've been reading up on the subject.  I'm hoping for opportunities to learn more and implement what I'm learning.  I don't want any child to associate physical activity with torture, nor do I want them to value themselves so little that they do not see the need to care for their health.

Will Run for Pancakes [Thursday Thirteen...Sort of]

...Sort of

Today was my first 5k of the season:  The Parker Memorial Pancake Run.  I decided to do this because 1) I'd never done it before and wanted to try something new (b) The missions project the proceeds benefit was a worthy cause and 4) I get a free pancake breakfast afterwards. 

My finishing time was 58:46; a pretty good time to start the season with.  However, for the first time ever, I finished a race dead last.  The time the chick lied on her time card and how they conveniently LOST my time card at the 2013 Gamecock Gallup making me last does NOT count.  I was NOT last; she was.  Anyway...to be fair to myself, most races I participate in have a good number of walkers and slower runners I can have friendly competition and banter with.  This race did not.  When the starting horn blew, everyone took off and I was left in the dust.  I gave the guys at the start line the warning that I'd see them in about an hour.

At first, it was a little disheartening to be by myself and so far away from the end of the pack.  I could have been really bummed about it and not done my best, but I didn't spend the winter walking and running all those miles to get to my first race and wimp out like a wuss.  So, I set my pace, cranked up the music, and enjoyed myself.

As the miles went by, I started thinking "hey, there are benefits to being last."  So, in Auntie style, here are my thirteen good reasons for being last in a 5k race.

Yes, I know it's Saturday and it's supposed to be Thursday Thirteen, but the race wasn't until Saturday.  Read them again on Thursday if it bothers you that much.  :)

1. You get your own police escort through the entire race.
2. The bottled water they iced down at the beginning of the race will actually be cold by the time you get one.
3. Finally someone has to wait for YOU.
4. You literally get to stop traffic.
5. Gives the race coordinators time to double check the race results for accuracy.
6. The other runners have time to stretch and catch up with their friends at the finish line.
7. The bathroom is empty by the time you need it.
8. You get to hear all the songs on your mp3 player.
9. You get the see the faces of the crazy people who finish and run the race again backwards.  No, they ain't right and yes, I heckle them.
10. The people manning the race thank you for doing the race--or are they saying "thank you for finally getting to my station so I can be done"?  Well, either way, I appreciate it.
11. You don't have to hear people griping about not meeting their PR--which is the sum total of the time for your FIRST mile.
12. You don't get knocked down by the other runners going through the water station. 
13. You don't get a medal, but you come away with a fun experience and the joy of finishing ahead of everyone on the couch.

Artsy-Fartsy: Thursday Thirteen

I've been a crafter and artist for 22 years.  Yes, that's correct; 22!  I've sold my work off an on over the years and am currently selling, so I have vast amounts of experience with comments--good, bad, and downright stupid.  I'd never made it a habit of storing these comments (bless their hearts), but something brought them to the forefront.  Someone shared a social media post from the California Arts Council about such comments.  The ones they quoted were spot on.  These have been said to me and my other artsy-fartsy friends in one form or another.

This week's Thursday thirteen:  Thirteen things never to say to a crafter or artist with their appropriate (or inappropriate responses).  Please insert tongue in cheek. Some of these are the art counsel's comments, some are my personal ones.

• "I'll just get my friend to make me one of those." - Then why are you here?  Why are you either at a show/sale, on my website, or worse yet, at my house watching me create?  This comment is from people who genuinely wish to be pimp slapped...repeatedly.
• "You know what you should make?..." - Hold it!  Before you tell me, are you going to buy one?  No?  NEXT!  Now, granted, I do solicit ideas (that's NOT what I'm talking about) and a friend gave me a wonderful idea, I made it, and she bought the first one.  That's the point.  To me, offering an unsolicited suggestion, but not being willing to buy is, quite frankly, rather tacky.  (Play the Weird Al song here).





• "Do I get a price break if I buy two?" - Do gas prices all of a sudden drop because you bought two coasters?
• "I'll have the money by the time you finish mine." - I've been burned too many times with that one...and it's never for a $5.00 item!  (Watch the Tacky video again.)
• Calling the art form by the wrong name.  No, knitting and crochet are NOT the same thing. 
• Giving lame excuses for why you won't pay for an item.  No lie, I once had a woman who refused to buy a baby blanket because she said the holes in it (they were part of the design SHE asked for) would pull off the baby's toes.  WTC?! Honey, I've made HUNDREDS of baby blankets, no kid has lost a toe, and no kid is going to either.  Goodnight, how fast and tight are you planning on rolling the kid up in it?!  #SomePeoplesChildren  (Play Tacky video yet again!)
• "I can make that myself." - See response to number one and repeat here.  
• "Why does it cost so much?" - Well, if you can make it yourself, you should know!
• "How do you make this?" - Now, this one requires some clarification.  If someone politely asks in curiosity, I don't mind discussing how I make my art.  However, most times, it's not asked "HOW do you make this?" but "How do YOU make THIS?" as if to say, "I didn't think you were smart enough to be that creative."  You know a backhanded question when you hear one!
• "Will you donate your artwork to our event?  We can’t pay you, but it will be great exposure.” - What am I, a photograph?  I cannot buy soap and toilet paper with exposure.  Before anyone gets testy, if you've read this blog or my sister blog any amount of time, you know I donate my art to various charities.  It's the way it's asked and when it's asked (usually when I'm flat broke and am rolling pennies for gas).
• "My nine year old makes this kind of stuff too." - See response to number one and repeat AGAIN.  Besides, the only child I am personally acquainted with who this could remotely be true about is a young girl who knits socks like nobody's business.  However, her mom would never come to my art sale looking for socks in the first place.
• "Kids, this is what happens when you don't go to college." - Hey genius, ever heard of an art degree?  Just for the record, I have two degrees from Jacksonville State University, known as the "Friendliest Campus in the South," where we know, among other things, how NOT to act like a doofus!  Put a sock in it!  FYI - you might get away with that with artists; I wouldn't try it with musicians, you might will get hurt!  More FYI - I'm a musician also.
• "I can buy that at Wal-Mart for $3.99."  No, you can't. Seen one of these for $3.99?

 

Say What?!: Thursday Thirteen

No matter what our position in life, we've all had stupid things said to us.  Various situations prompt us to speak before we think--trust me, I've done it myself dozens of times.  However, it seems the most asinine comments come from people trying to "encourage" an overweight friend.

I know, I haven't done a Thursday thirteen in a while, but what follows is a list of 13 things you shouldn't say to an overweight friend -- especially one working on her health.  Yes, I've had these said to me, and yes, I've either thought or said the snarky comments afterwards.  I'm not telling you which ones I actually said.  :)

1. "You're beautiful inside and out." - This is such a backhanded compliment.  People have to add the "inside and out" because they can't simply say a big girl is beautiful.  Besides, how do you know what I look like on the inside?  Haven't you ever done dissection?  Yuck!
2. "You have such a pretty face." - Here's "inside and out's" sister compliment.  What they're thinking, but not saying is "...but you have such an ugly body."  With comments like this, sometimes you just have to smile and think, "Bless your heart.  I wouldn't pee in your ear if your brain was on fire."
3. "A food addict?  Come on, it's not as dramatic as all that.  You could just not eat that, then you wouldn't be a food addict.  Problem solved." - You could just shut up too, then you wouldn't be so stupid.  Problem solved.
4. "You don't need to eat that."  - **SLAP!!**  I'm sorry, what did you say?  You were minding your own business and staying out of my plate?  That's what I thought you said.
5. Please don't make Richard Simmons-esque comments when you see a larger person eat something you approve of. "Good for you for making such a healthy choice!  That's GREAT!" - Yeah, I can poo-poo in the potty all by myself too.  Go sit down somewhere!
6. "Running?  You?!" - I had a 13 year old say that to me two weeks ago.  Where is your mama?! I know it's against the law to beat other people's children, but... 
7. "Running's bad for your knees." - Kicking you in the butt is probably bad for my feet too, but I'm going to do it anyway if you don't hush.  By the way, I had more knee problems when I was heavier than I ever have since I started running.
8. "I'm worried about you and all this exercise." - But you didn't give a rats behind when I wasn't exercising.  Hello, the logic train has left the station.
9. "Slow and steady wins the race."  Since when? That logic doesn't work for NASCAR, and it ain't working for me either.  I'm slow and steady, and I ain't won nothin'!
10. "You are why our healthcare is so high." - You are why our test scores are so low!  Kiss my...never mind.
11. "Gastric Bypass surgery would be so much easier." - How is being gutted like a catfish easier?  This surgery doesn't have a very good track record and it is extremely dangerous.  Besides, didn't you just say I'm making your healthcare higher?
12. "That weight you gained was just muscle, water, mucus, or air from where you need to fart." - I'm fat, not stupid. 
13. "You wouldn't have __________  if you just lost weight." - Good grief, I've had everything from toenail fungus, to glaucoma, from dandruff to an oil leak in my car blamed on my weight.  This stuff makes my middle finger twitch.

What Do You Want?: Thursday Thirteen

Now that the 30 day blog challenge is done, I can go back to some of my other pursuits.  So, I decided to take up the Thursday thirteen again.

My mentor/sponsor/recovery hero often asks me, So what do you want?  I hate trying to answer that, so I normally tell him what I don't want.  He always tells me that's not good enough.  Why?  Because I can do something about what I want.  All I can do about what I don't want is whine about lament over it.  We've got two months left in 2013.  With that in mind, my Thursday thirteen are what I want by the end of the year.

1. I want to be in one-derland by the end of 2013.  One-derland is that awesome magical zone where my body weight has a "1" in front of it instead of a "2."  This isn't wishful thinking; it is an attainable goal.  I don't care if it's 199.9!  Plus, I want to enjoy it and relish it so that I won't slump back into behaviors that put the weight back on.  Been there, done that.
2. I want to find a good job, or at least have some definite direction on my career.  I'll keep fishing, hunting, praying, and asking.
3. I want to run a 5k in 45 minutes or less.  I've only got a couple more chances at this one, so it may be bumped up to 2014, but I'm going to try.  My next chance is November 9th at the Kyle Comfort Memorial 5k.
4. I want to find more opportunities to get to know my new church family.  I've been at my new church for a year and I still feel like I don't really know enough people.  I'm on the worship team and in the choir and, shameful to say, I still don't know everyone's name.  I'm trying to combat the urge to think that my serving is enough--there's not much friendship building in that.  Our Pastor taught on friendship recently, so I'm even hungrier for real, deep friendships.  This is going to take a focused effort on my part.  I can't expect people to come up to me.
5. I want to finish my secret holiday projects.  Shhhh....it's a secret.
6. I want to finish my current lesson in the Bible correspondence course I've been taking.  This lesson has been on hold for way too long. 
7. I want to finish the spring cleaning I started...well, this past spring.  Look, it's no secret that this has been a rough year for me in just about every way possible and I've let too many things go.  This is one of them I'm picking back up.  Spring cleaning my living quarters is actually helping to boost my mood.
8. I want to have a better Christmas season than last year.  I cannot control what anyone else does.  I can only make the right choices to enjoy celebrating Christ's birth.  It's up to me.  Though, I hope I'm not celebrating alone. No, I'm not doing a pitiful me, Cinderella can't go to the ball because her man's a pumpkin sort of thing.  No, I thought about having a Christmas cookie party, but wouldn't that make me a hypocrite?  I mean if I care about health, I can't be passing out candy and cookies at Christmas, now can I?  *sigh*
9. I want to have better prayer and quiet times.  They are better than they have been for a long time, but they are not where they should be.  My days go much better when I can spend quality, focused time alone with God.  One thing that will help is to retrain myself to get up at the time I used to.  Until the mystery ick from September knocked me on my butt, I was pretty consistent at getting up at a decent hour.  I'm well now, but still sleeping too much.
10. I want to clean up my computer hard drive and my social media sites.  After a while, things start to get disorganized.  It's just time to regroup.  This process takes a couple of days and I'm trying to spend less time in front of the computer.
11. I want to get out more.  Winter is the hardest time for me because all I want to do is stay in the cave.  It's colder, and the days are shorter, so it's easy to stay inside.  However, I'm well aware that depression mode often isolates and often turns one into a hermit.  Hermit mode turns into Oh well, no one's here but me.  Why clean the place?  Why shower?  Why get out of my bed clothes?  Why even bother?  No, no, and NO!
12. I want to try new workouts.  Actually, I think I'm going to issue a blog challenge for all of us to try some new stuff.  I can stay motivated if I know other people are doing it too.
13. I want to go out 2013 like a BOSS, not like a punk!  I occasionally put this on my Facebook wall to remind myself!

As each item is accomplished, I shall come back here and update you.  At the end of the year, I'll post about how it went.  Have a good'n, y'all.  I know I will.

UPDATE 04/10/14:  I must not have wanted it bad enough.  I didn't accomplish anything on this list.  All I can do is keep trying.  Sorry, y'all.