Thursday, June 23, 2016

Why My Future Children May Hate Me [Thursday Thirteen]

I've been an Auntie since birth, but I've not yet had the privilege of having my own children.  There's been a lot of talk about how spoiled, undisciplined, and disrespectful children are right now.  To be honest, we've always had these kind of children around.  However, their numbers seem to be growing exponentially.  To keep my prospective progeny from be one of their number, here are 13 things I'm willing to let my kids hate me for.  Trust me, there are a LOT more, but we'll stick with the format.
  1. I will continue to hug you, kiss you, and tell you "I love you" for as long as I am physically able.  The first time you think you're too old for it, I'm writing you out of my will.  Don't believe me?  Ask you cousins.
  2. I will say "no" a lot.  My parents said it to me and I lived.  So will you.
  3. I make the rules.  You want different rules?  Get your own house and pay your own bills.
  4. Like my parents, I do believe in the power of the belt.  Don't push it.
  5. I really don't give a rip what you're friends do or have.  They don't live at my house...and the way they act, be happy if I even let them play at my house.
  6. I'm not going to entertain you 24/7.  You have an imagination, use it.  I will limit your TV, video game, and electronics time.  Go outside and play.  Read a REAL book.
  7. I will institute a "no whining" zone that shall not be removed for your entire lifetime.  I taught a room full of preschoolers with the zone in play and it worked.  You should be no problem.  Whining is so beneath you; so stop it.
  8. You will not get an allowance, you will earn your money. I'm not the government, so I'm not paying you to do nothing.  Yes, you will get gifts and bonuses, but they will not be dictated by you (see #7).
  9. You're not getting a car at 16.  I didn't get my license and first car until I was nearly 27.  I'll try to be kind enough not to make you wait that long.  Oh, by the way, you will be buying your own gas and paying for your own insurance and repairs, so waiting sounds a lot better, doesn't it?
  10. You're not getting a cell phone either.  You shouldn't be anywhere that there isn't a telephone available.  Besides, since you won't have a car, I will be taking you everywhere anyway, so I'll know where you are.
  11. I will help you with whatever type of postsecondary education you pursue (I said HELP, not completely provide), but if you fiddle fart around, you're on your own.  I'm not supplementing beer bashes, debauchery, or crappy grades; only education.
  12. As soon as you're old enough, you WILL get a job and you WILL get out.  You're not living in my basement when you're 30.  I'm old and I want my house back!
  13. If you go to jail, I will not bail you out.  Don't even call me.
I can't promise perfect children, but hopefully they will be productive citizens.  Let's hope and pray.

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