If I Leave Here Tomorrow: Stay Woke at Your Wake [My Mythical Year]

See my post here for more information on My Mythical Year. 

"I want to live a life and love in such a way that if circumstances dictate that I know when I'm passing away, [...] that there are people that love me so much that they drop whatever they're doing to fly from across the world or across a nation to see me one last time." - Charles Lincoln "Link" Neal III, Ear Biscuits. July 2, 2018.

Today is my 47th birthday.  Forty-seven years on this spinning orb.  Forty-seven years of attempting an authentic life.  Last year, when I heard Neal speak those words at a time of great pain for him and his family (the grandfather who helped raise him was dying), it got me pondering my own life and love level.  Have I lived and loved well enough for people to care when I'm dying or dead?  After nearly a year of thinking about it, I'd have to say no.  It's not been from not trying.  I've lived and loved in the best way I knew how, but I'm not convinced it's good enough.

It's a shame that who loves you or the impact you've had is never revealed until you're not there to hear it.  No, I'm not planning on going anywhere anytime soon--He ain't through with me yet.  And, no, this isn't an ego thing; I'm not fishing for words of affirmation.  I'm simply saying that I acknowledge that so far, my life hasn't been up to par.

So, I set before you two scenarios.  Those of you who are closest to me and remain must decide what kind of funeral I'm due.  Heck take a Facebook poll if you want to--I don't care.

Scenario One:
If, indeed, my life has had no positive impact, please do the cheapest, no frills disposal of my body.  Cremation is cheap.  Don't buy a fancy urn for my ashes.  Put them in a pork and bean can, a pickle jar, or an empty beer can--whatever.  Dispose of them as efficiently as possible.  Throw them away, give them to a coke head to snort--I don't care.  Since there will be no service, there's no need for an obituary.  I didn't deserve any better.

Having no positive impact also means that I'll most likely die alone.  Don't be alarmed, I'm not as concerned about it as most everyone else is.  As I've said before, whether I die surrounded by loved ones, or I unceremoniously pass in isolation, I'm still dead.  That doesn't change anything.

Scenario Two:
If, in fact, I have lived and loved well enough to have a real funeral....

My obit (it will be edited to reflect the most accurate data until I'm gone):

Funeral services for Miss Shannon Maddox, 51, will be held Saturday (date) at 2:00 p.m (or whatever works for y'all). at Colorado Community Church in Aurora, CO, with Pastor Robert Gelinas officiating (or whoever at the church is willing to do it).  Visitation will be an hour before the service.  Miss Maddox died (where it happened).  She is proceeded in death by her parents, ML and Dorsalean Maddox, her nieces, April Wade and Lucretia Looney, her brother, Melvin Brewster, and her sister, Laura Barlow.    She is survived by her brothers, M. Brewster (Laura), T. Maddox (Marie), and D. Maddox; her sisters M. Cox (Jerry), M. Coleman, C. Bradford (Bernard), I. Guzman (Ramon), and a host of nieces, nephews, grandnieces, and grandnephews.

Known as "Auntie" by those who knew her, Miss Maddox, a native of Jacksonville, Alabama,  was an artist, musician, writer and Bible teacher.  In lieu of flowers please send donations to Colorado Family Life Center of Aurora, Colorado, The More Life Community Center of Aurora, Colorado, Colorado Christian University's College of Adult and Graduate Studies Hope Fund, Jacksonville Christian Academy's Scholarship Fund or Jacksonville State University's band scholarship fund.  Or, if neither option is agreeable, use the gift as a random act of kindness for someone in need.

My attire:

I wish to be buried in a wedding gown.  I don't care if it's a cheap one.  In fact, since I know that the back of it will be cut out and it will draped over my body (thanks, GMM), a nice looking, inexpensive, white wedding gown will suffice.  Why a wedding gown?  This world (and unfortunately the church) placed such honor on wives and mothers while it dishonored someone like me for never getting married and/or never having children.  I want to show honor to my Maker who is my Husband (Isaiah 54:5) by dressing for the marriage supper of the Lamb (Revelation 19:7-9)

The music:  This is a celebration, so no sad songs allowed.  AND SING LIKE YOU MEAN IT!

 

BTW--If anyone even HINTS at wanting to play I Can Only Imagine, please punch them in the throat.  I liked that song when it first came out, but I've heard it and played it at so many funerals it's ruined it for me.

I know this isn't a sacred song, but if it's not too tacky, use it somewhere for the funeral.  If I didn't accomplish anything else, I tried to bring joy to those I encountered.

What's said: 

Dear Pastor Gelinas, please let everyone know where I went, how I got there, and how they can get there too.  Plain, simple, direct.

Afterwards, have a party...a good one.

Love to you all.

This post will remain as a link on the homepage of my blog until such a time as it becomes unnecessary--which hopefully, won't be for a long time.

Becoming a Cougar: The Simple Woman's Daybook

If you would like to join in and post your own Daybook, please head on over to visit Peggy at The Simple Woman's Daybook

 

   

Looking Out My Window ... Trees are budding, the Bradford pair trees are showing out, and a light dusting of pollen is everywhere ...

Oh, never mind...

Well...

Oh heck, I don't know.

I am Thinking...

Well, you'll see what I've been thinking about in tomorrow's post.
  

I am Thankful...

This past week marks one year since I was blessed with my car.

From the Workshop...

Went to Pinot's Palette in Westminster & painted this tall canvas.
I think I'm hooked.

From Auntie's Test Kitchen...

I have completed letter O in the A-Z challenge. The post is here.

I am Reading... 

• Defining Moments:  The Harlem Renaissance by Kevin Hillstrom
• Thou Shalt Prosper by Daniel Lapin
• Courage and Calling by Gordon T. Smith
• Next Level Thinking by Joel Osteen

Books I have completed since my last Daybook:

• The Word in the Wilderness by Malcolm Guite.
• Self Matters by Dr. Phillip C. McGraw.
• What Falls From the Sky by Esther Emery.  Please see my review here.
• The Quilt by T. Davis Bunn
• The Long Winter by Laura Ingalls Wilder
• The Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes.  Please see my review here.
• The Power of Vulnerability: Teachings on Authenticity, Connection, and Courage by Brene Brown
• The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo.

Favorite Quote(s) of the Week ...

"Can you just call it '#2'?  [Taking a dump] implies force that I'm not comfortable with."  Link Neal, 2012, Good Mythical Morning, Episode 125

"Have you ever considered: Adam and Eve only got clothes after they sinned. That means laundry is a result of the fall." - Kevin DeYoung, qtd by Pastor Derek Staples.

To borrow a phrase from the great Lewis Grizzard, "If Terry Crews is a flautist, my butt's a typewriter." - Auntie's musings.  And, yes, I'm really tired of seeing the State Farm commercial between every YouTube video I watch.

And Now For Something Total Different ...

Five Minute Friday Word of the Week:  Promise

One of the benefits of working at a university (I've been at CCU for nearly two years) is the opportunity to earn a degree tuition free.  One of my dreams has been to earn a PhD in Theology.  The first step towards that goal is earn a Master's degree in a biblical-based degree.

Because of some rule changes that none of us employees knew about until I was considering applying for a tuition waiver, I started to give up.  I'd rather not ask and do without than hear no and be embarrassed or ostracized for asking in the first place.

After a few days of stewing over it, and quite frankly, getting very anxious and depressed over it, a friend (or two...or three) convinced me to ask anyway.  So, I turned in my application and waited. 

I am pleased to announce that this fall, I will begin my Master of Arts in Theology program.  I'm officially a Colorado Christian University Cougar.

2019 Book Nook Reading Challenge: 07

Title:  The Year of Yes. (Kindle Edition)

Author:  Shonda Rhimes

Info:  Copyright 2016:  New York:  Simon and Schuster

Rating (on a scale of 1-4 stars):  ✮ 

Where Acquired:  Library Checkout 

Category:  Impulse Reads.  I saw it in a related reading list somewhere and thought it sounded good.

Synopsis:  Rhimes, writer and executive producer of Grey's Anatomy and Scandal chronicles her "Year of yes."  Prompted by her older sister to stop saying no to everything and start living life, Rhimes embarks on a year-long yes quest.

Favorite Quotes:

Now, I’m no fool. I’m not one of those mothers who allows her children to behave like monsters and walk all over me. I was raised old-school. I strive to be old-school. My kids are not my friends. They are my children. My goal is not to get them to like me. My goal is to raise citizens. My world does not revolve around them. The only helicopter in my life is the toy helicopter that the kids play with. So my response to my daughter Harper isn’t a wringing of my hands and a tearful apology. Nobody did any hand-wringing and apologizing while raising me and I turned out . . . a writer. “I work to feed and clothe you. Do you want food and clothes? Then be quiet and show some gratitude.” That is what I say to my tween. - p. 67.

Food does work. Food feels so good when you put it on top of all the stuff you don’t want to deal with or know how to deal with. It even works on stuff you don’t even recognize as worthy of dealing with. Food is magic. It makes you feel better. It numbs you. Beautiful magical food deadens your soul just enough so you can’t think too hard about anything other than cake or sleep. Putting food on top of it casts a spell to make the feelings go away. You don’t have to face yourself or think or be anything other than your brain—no body necessary.  p. 149

And nothing was more frustrating than seeing a fellow bitter, jaded, toxic, dark and twisty friend find their way up into the sun. Like a vampire trying to save one of its own, you want to drag them back into the dark. And you truly think you are doing the right thing. I was clinging to the dark and twisty misery.  p. 244

The Positive:

• It was a quick read.
• I enjoyed Rhimes' conversational writing style.

The Negative:

• Quite frankly, I feel duped, or just plain stupid.  I had no idea who Shonda Rhimes was.  I didn't know she was some Hollywood starlet.  I really thought she was someone I could relate to--a regular person.  I've never seen Scandal or Grey's Anatomy.  My expectations weren't that I would hear about someone whine about wanting to turn down something I can only dream of being offered.
• This book was poorly edited.  There were sentence fragments and unnecessary question marks flying all over the place.  A little better editing wouldn't have taken away for the author's writing style.  In fact, it would have enhanced it.
• The commencement address she gave at Dartmouth was deplorable, and quite frankly, very self serving.  Those kids deserved better.  Plus, she gives a big slap in the face to stay at home mothers in her speech that was totally uncalled for.
• Pardon my ignorance, but how can you be the Best Man at someone's wedding if you are a woman?  (See page 101).  Was this a joke, or a typo?
• While I applaud Rhimes (I think) for adopting two children, her assumption that she speaks for all working moms is, like her commencement speech at Dartmouth, a slap in the face.  She is very wealthy and CHOSE to be a single mom of three (she also has a child by surrogate).  She can afford to have help.  She is the head of her own company and doesn't HAVE to work 12 hour shifts.  Many working moms are not that fortunate.  I'm not angry at her affluence; I'm angry at her arrogance in thinking she's some crusader for women and moms.  I'm disgusted by her whining about it all.  What does she want, a cookie? For example, in chapter 6, she goes on and on whining about how much work it is to be a mother, then has the nerve to say, "Let's stop trying to make ourselves indulge in the crappy mythological lady-cult that makes being a mother seem like work."  Do what?!
• Some of her material was very misandrous and racist.  
• Her views on marriage are atrocious. Yes, I know that's came from me.  However, just because I'm old as dirt and not married doesn't mean that I believe that marriage is "a piece of paper...a financial partnership...[that] has nothing to do with love."  I understand that even if it's not in the Lord's plan for me, marriage is a wonderful, sacred covenant instituted by God that means far more than Rhimes gives it credit for.

Conclusion:

I tried to like this book, but found it totally unrelatable and Rhimes unapproachable.  The more the author whined, the more annoyed I got.  If it hadn't been such a quick read, I wouldn't have continued to torture myself with it.  Parts of this book made me sick to my stomach.  It's not simply that I disagree with Rhimes; it's that I couldn't find any common ground.  Yes, we are two band nerds who like to write, but that's about it.  I'm still struggling to have even a fragment of the kind of life she complains about.  I give this book a "honey bunches of NO."

O is for Oatmeal [A-Z Blog Challenge 2015]

Experiments From Auntie's Test Kitchen

Intro  A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Conclusion



                                                                                                                    

O is for Oatmeal

I grew up eating oatmeal, but it was the flavored kind.  From childhood through early adulthood, I'd prepare several packs of this already sugared-up version with more sugar and margarine (butter was too expensive), and go to town.

Now, with so many options, including the over-hyped, over-priced steel cut oats, I've been trying to find a way to make oatmeal that tastes good, but isn't loaded with sugar.  I've attempted so many variations of oatmeal using milk, nuts, honey, and various fruits--none of them really satisfying.   I got this recipe from my niece and thought I'd give it a try.

Easy and Healthy Banana Oat Pancakes

Recipe by Alida Ryder

Original recipe is here.

Ingredients

• 2 bananas
• 2 eggs
• 1/2 cup rolled oats
• 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
• pinch of salt
• maple syrup to serve (optional)
• fresh fruit of your choice to serve 

Instructions

1. In a blender, combine the peeled banana, eggs, oats, baking powder and salt.
2. Allow to blend until the mixture is as smooth as you want it and blended well. Allow the batter to stand for 10-20 minutes until thickened slightly.
3. Heat a non-stick frying pan over medium heat.
4. Fry spoonfuls of the batter until golden brown on both sides.
5. Serve with a drizzle of maple syrup and/or fresh fruit of your choice.

What I learned

• She doesn't say to, but I'd slice the banana before putting it in the blender.
• Don't let the batter stand too long, or it will be too thick to pour.  If it takes twenty minutes for the batter to thicken properly, your baking powder is old.  Throw it out and get a new can.
• Be patient.  When she says to cook them over medium heat, she means it.  Any hotter and they will burn on the outside and be raw in the inside.

All in all, I really liked these pancakes.  Because of the amount of banana, they are really sweet.  Later, I may try using one banana mixed with a fruit that isn't so sweet and see how that turns out. 

I would call this recipe a success.

Five Minute Friday: "Promise"

 

⌚

Growing up in a household where my dad never made any promises made it hard to understand that God always promises.  My dad never made promises because he wasn't going to be beholding to anything he couldn't do or provide.  My Holy Father can make all the promises He wants because He can and will provide and do exactly what He promised.

My struggles lately has been the worst of the year, yet His promises keep me going--they get me out of bed, feed me, get me through my day, and put me to sleep at night.

I'm holding tightly to the promises in Isaiah 54:1-5 (NIV):

“Sing, barren woman,
    you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy,
    you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
    than of her who has a husband,”
says the Lord.
² “Enlarge the place of your tent,
    stretch your tent curtains wide,
    do not hold back;
lengthen your cords,
    strengthen your stakes.
³ For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
    your descendants will dispossess nations
    and settle in their desolate cities.

⁴ “Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.
    Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth
    and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.
⁵ For your Maker is your husband—
    the Lord Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
    he is called the God of all the earth.

I need Him to keep being the Father, Husband, Brother, and Friend I so desperately need. 

⏰

2019 Book Nook Reading Challenge: 06

Title:  What Falls from the Sky 

Author:  Esther Emery

Info:  Copyright 2016:  Grand Rapids:  Zondervan.

Rating (on a scale of 1-4 stars):  ✮✮✮

Where Acquired:  Library Checkout

Category:  Recommended reads.  My sister-in-blog Annie, read this book a while back and recommended it.


Synopsis:  Emery, a former stage play director in California and social media addict, made the drastic decision to cut ties with her former life, especially the internet, for an entire year.  She chronicles her experience with withdrawal, finding community, and the spiritual changes resulting from this paradigm shift.

Favorite Quotes:

Only someone who has lost the spiritual power to be at leisure can be bored - Josef Pieper, quoted on p. 31.

In December, before the snow came, I thought it was possible to avoid being alone with myself.  Now that seems ridiculous.  Now I  am alone with myself all the time, sometimes for hours at a time.  In all those gaps grows a craving for the sacred, a wind that builds on itself like cataclysmic weather.  The more it is satisfied, the more it grows.  And so I read the Bible, like food for a hungry person like Braille for the blind, starting with the end of the world and working backwards toward creation. - p. 78

We talk about how weird and crazy it is that the loneliness could happen in the heart of our most vibrant cities--Boston and New York--that anybody could feel so abandoned and so alone.  And yes we do.  And we're not the only ones.  So many people speak of this  and feel this in our strange time.  It is the era of hyper-connected isolation.  p. 143

The Positive:

• Sounds odd coming from me, I know, but I really loved the domesticity of her adventure.  Her descriptions of baking bread, cooking meals, nursing her daughter, playing with her son, and other everyday family activities made me smile.  Once she finally embraced and started to enjoy the domestic life, I was totally enthralled. 
• Reading this gave me insight into a true social media/internet addiction.  My experience is that I try to use social media to supplement, rather than replace, face-to-face relationships.  I applaud her for being able to give it up completely.  I'm also a little jealous that she had so much built in community that made the transition possible.  Though I don't believe that I'm addicted to the internet or social media, I do feel somewhat overwhelmed by it and have a need to occasionally get completely off the grid. 

The Negative:

• The author's constant lamenting over the supposed life she lost.  For example, on page 60, she's actually upset that her husband suggested that taking care of him and their children gave her purpose in life.  Also, she actually gets angry at her husband for complementing her on how well she mothers their children.  In a society that values wives and mothers above all women, it seems crazy the someone in that coveted position would regret it.  Quite frankly, it ticked me off; she's in the best societal position possible and she's bitter about it?
• The book contains some rather confusing passages.  For example, after traveling to Nicaragua and hearing stories of the natives who trying to decide whether to immigrate to the United States, she decides that her best course of action is to stop buying bananas.  OK, how is refusing the buy the fruit that pays the salaries of many of the immigrant workers who pick the bananas helping them?  Yes, they should be paid better wages, but refusing to purchase makes no sense to me.

Conclusion:

Emery does an exceptional job of exposing the perils of using social media as a substitute for face-to-face interaction and projecting and unrealistic portrayal of life outside the internet to make it more appealing to the internet.

When I started the book, I hated it.  The tone at the beginning was like that of a Gretchen Rubin self-help tome: a pretentious dilettante who's attempting to come down to "peasant" level to briefly live "their" lives, write a book about it, make a crap-ton of money, then go back to life as usual.  Yet, I kept reading and was drawn deeper into her story.  Emery was no dilettante; she was chasing love and validation through cyberspace, not realizing she had it all along with her husband, children, and church.

Yes, the book was a little disjointed and confusing in places.  No, I don't agree with everything the author said, but this volume was beautifully written.  Once the story drew me in, I couldn't put the book down.

I'll most likely purchase a copy, or at least check the volume out of the library again in times when I feel that sense of "hyper-connected isolation."