"I want to live a life and love in such a way that if circumstances dictate that I know when I'm passing away, [...] that there are people that love me so much that they drop whatever they're doing to fly from across the world or across a nation to see me one last time." - Charles Lincoln "Link" Neal III, Ear Biscuits. July 2, 2018.
Today is my 47th birthday. Forty-seven years on this spinning orb. Forty-seven years of attempting an authentic life. Last year, when I heard Neal speak those words at a time of great pain for him and his family (the grandfather who helped raise him was dying), it got me pondering my own life and love level. Have I lived and loved well enough for people to care when I'm dying or dead? After nearly a year of thinking about it, I'd have to say no. It's not been from not trying. I've lived and loved in the best way I knew how, but I'm not convinced it's good enough.
It's a shame that who loves you or the impact you've had is never revealed until you're not there to hear it. No, I'm not planning on going anywhere anytime soon--He ain't through with me yet. And, no, this isn't an ego thing; I'm not fishing for words of affirmation. I'm simply saying that I acknowledge that so far, my life hasn't been up to par.
So, I set before you two scenarios. Those of you who are closest to me and remain must decide what kind of funeral I'm due. Heck take a Facebook poll if you want to--I don't care.
Scenario One:
If, indeed, my life has had no positive impact, please do the cheapest, no frills disposal of my body. Cremation is cheap. Don't buy a fancy urn for my ashes. Put them in a pork and bean can, a pickle jar, or an empty beer can--whatever. Dispose of them as efficiently as possible. Throw them away, give them to a coke head to snort--I don't care. Since there will be no service, there's no need for an obituary. I didn't deserve any better.
Having no positive impact also means that I'll most likely die alone. Don't be alarmed, I'm not as concerned about it as most everyone else is. As I've said before, whether I die surrounded by loved ones, or I unceremoniously pass in isolation, I'm still dead. That doesn't change anything.
Scenario Two:
If, in fact, I have lived and loved well enough to have a real funeral....
My obit (it will be edited to reflect the most accurate data until I'm gone):
Funeral services for Miss Shannon Maddox, 51, will be held Saturday (date) at 2:00 p.m (or whatever works for y'all). at Colorado Community Church in Aurora, CO, with Pastor Robert Gelinas officiating (or whoever at the church is willing to do it). Visitation will be an hour before the service. Miss Maddox died (where it happened). She is proceeded in death by her parents, ML and Dorsalean Maddox, her nieces, April Wade and Lucretia Looney, her brother, Melvin Brewster, and her sister, Laura Barlow. She is survived by her brothers, M. Brewster (Laura), T. Maddox (Marie), and D. Maddox; her sisters M. Cox (Jerry), M. Coleman, C. Bradford (Bernard), I. Guzman (Ramon), and a host of nieces, nephews, grandnieces, and grandnephews.
Known as "Auntie" by those who knew her, Miss Maddox, a native of Jacksonville, Alabama, was an artist, musician, writer and Bible teacher. In lieu of flowers please send donations to Colorado Family Life Center of Aurora, Colorado, The More Life Community Center of Aurora, Colorado, Colorado Christian University's College of Adult and Graduate Studies Hope Fund, Jacksonville Christian Academy's Scholarship Fund or Jacksonville State University's band scholarship fund. Or, if neither option is agreeable, use the gift as a random act of kindness for someone in need.
My attire:
I wish to be buried in a wedding gown. I don't care if it's a cheap one. In fact, since I know that the back of it will be cut out and it will draped over my body (thanks, GMM), a nice looking, inexpensive, white wedding gown will suffice. Why a wedding gown? This world (and unfortunately the church) placed such honor on wives and mothers while it dishonored someone like me for never getting married and/or never having children. I want to show honor to my Maker who is my Husband (Isaiah 54:5) by dressing for the marriage supper of the Lamb (Revelation 19:7-9)
The music: This is a celebration, so no sad songs allowed. AND SING LIKE YOU MEAN IT!
BTW--If anyone even HINTS at wanting to play I Can Only Imagine, please punch them in the throat. I liked that song when it first came out, but I've heard it and played it at so many funerals it's ruined it for me.
I know this isn't a sacred song, but if it's not too tacky, use it somewhere for the funeral. If I didn't accomplish anything else, I tried to bring joy to those I encountered.
What's said:
Dear Pastor Gelinas, please let everyone know where I went, how I got there, and how they can get there too. Plain, simple, direct.
Afterwards, have a party...a good one.
Love to you all.
This post will remain as a link on the homepage of my blog until such a time as it becomes unnecessary--which hopefully, won't be for a long time.
Beautiful. Well thought out, well written. You are amazing. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with your readers. I never got to meet you when I lived in Colorado but will look you up in Heaven some day!
ReplyDeleteHi, Barbara. Thanks so much for reading.
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