Tiptoe Through Better Tulips: The Simple Woman's Daybook

If you would like to join in and post your own Daybook, please head on over to visit Peggy at The Simple Woman's Daybook

For Today:  Sunday, April 5, 2015
 

Outside my window …  Cool breezes and partly cloudy skies.

I am thinking...  

About whether I'm being a total nob or not.  I've got several friends who have expressed interested in cycling with me, yet they refuse my invitations, but continue to plan and have cycling sessions with each other.  Look, I freely admit that I'm a slow cyclist and can't yet go long distances and I know there are scheduling conflicts.  My beef isn't even with that.  My beef is that they say they want us to ride together, but never do.  Just say you don't want to ride with me.  I prefer honesty over cordial BS any time.

I'm also thinking about Anorexia Nervosa.  I go through cycles where I look at documentaries and literature on the disorder.  It started when I did a research paper on eating disorders in college.  My thoughts tend to run on a similar track when this happens.  I blogged about it the last time I went through the cycle nearly 3 years ago:

I was watching a documentary on YouTube about a young girl in a group treatment facility for anorexia.  I was fascinated by a statement one of the girls made: 

There’s someone who lives in your head, but she’s moved the real you out of your brain and just sort of left a tiny bit of it and she controls your brain and everything you do.

First, this quote answers your question:  Why is she watching videos about anorexia?  She's fat.  I watched them because  1) I envy these girls for their appearance of discipline to simply not eat and/or to exercise excessively (I said I envy the discipline, not the disorder) and 2) because I wanted to understand the mentality of someone who was dangerously thin, yet still thought they were fat.

I have found that in my case, the mentality of the obese and the anorexic is shockingly similar.  I have often felt that I was under the control of an "alternate" me.  No, not disassociation or demon possession, but a fracture between the outside me and the inside me.

The outside me is the one people see; the people pleaser, the chameleon fueled by the fleeting strength of the false bravado of someone without a care or need.  The real me, the inside me, is the me I one I want to see when I look in the mirror and I'm shocked when I don't. She is strong and healthy, has friends and is free to express needs

Then there's "HER": the mediator between the inside me and the outside me.  "HER" is the taskmaster who yells in my head:

"unworthy of love" 
"fat, ugly, lazy, disgusting slob!"
"Only a two pound weight loss, that's not good enough!  YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH!"
"FAILURE!"
"Who do you think you are?!"
"You might as well give up and eat. EAT! EAT! EAT!"

"HER" propels me toward junk food like a junkie toward crack, all the while soothing me with the lie of, "It will get better.  This is the last time you'll have to do this."

In all this, the real me gets lost; locked deeper and deeper into a prison cell--a limited space with no prospect of escape (much less thriving).

I'm making strides to change, but "HER" is still fighting for control.

I'm also thinking about something a "friend" said to my Friday, "You've just got more smarts than you should have."  What the Sam Hill is THAT supposed to mean?  "Hey, I'm not comfortable with your intelligence.  I need you to be stupid to make me feel better."  This is the same person who said in all seriousness that they felt more comfortable if I stayed fat.  I don't even have any more room to be angry; just simply done.

I am thankful... For the death, burial, and resurrection of Christ.

I'm also thankful for a 70 mile walking/running month.  That's a total of 180 for the year.  I'm caught up for my MAD x 2 goal.
  
In the kitchen...  Had a little Easter feast over the weekend.  I baked a turkey breast and made potato salad;  my housemate baked a ham.  We added a few side dishes and voila.
 

From the Workshop...

THIS is how my paintings should be matted and framed.  Much better, huh?  For those who were wondering, my work is listed for sale here or here.

Update on birdhouse quilt-ghan.  As you can see, I've nearly gotten the fence built.  I had another project to finish up for Easter, so I've not done much work on it.  This week, I'll be adding much more to the project.  Stay tuned.

I am reading...  Finished reading Dream Thieves by Rick Renner.  The review is here.  Currently off the shelf:

I am looking forward to...  My thighs not rubbing together when I walk.

I am learning…   That I hate being an afterthought.

Around the house...  Nothing special.

 

A favorite quote for today... 

One of my favorite things...  Cooing babies.

A few plans for the rest of the week:   I've got "little old lady" duty this week.  My housemate has a doctor's appointment Monday; my mom on Tuesday.  I thought we were getting a break with the Community Band after our concert.  Apparently we're not, but I am!  I'm also running a 5k on Saturday.
 

A peek into my day...  

The Calhoun County Community Band had our Winter/Spring concert on Tuesday.  It was so much fun.   A big thank you to my local peeps who made it out to the concert.  In the picture is my buddy, Caleb, my housemate's great grandson.  He's a budding musician.  I may have only showed him how NOT to play, but oh well.








My sister Clara and I went out to Oxford lake and took a stroll on Saturday.  It was gorgeous, as usual, and the ducks were in rare form.  I need to walk there more often.







And now for something totally different...  

NEW!

Sometimes things you see or hear just hit so hard you've got to ask...

Leah M. and I walked on the Ladiga Trail today and saw this in the bushes just off the trail.  Yes, it is a toilet.  I don't know what the point of putting it there was;  there's better facilities close by.





The Atlanta Braves traded Craig Kimbrel and one other player to the Padres for seven players.  That's as bad as the Bergdahl trade for the terrorists.  What were they thinking?



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From YouTube:  Fitness Blender shared:

 

 

From Twitter:  @GregBQuotes:  "I'm just weird that way, if I don't get invited, hell, I won't show up!" To @BillBubbaBussey Who Asked Why Greg Missed His Christmas Party (Rick and Bubba Show)

 

From a Google search when I was looking for something completely different:

 

From Facebook: C.Willingham shared:

Auntie's Full Shelf Challenge 04

Book: Dream Thieves.

Author: Rick Renner

Info: Copyright 1992 Pillar Books;  Tulsa, OK

Where acquired: Thrift store find.

Why:  Finding this book comes at a pivotal time in my existence.  Dreams and goals for my life that I believe came from God seem to go unfulfilled.  I keep wondering what I'm doing wrong, and on occasion, wondering if I even heard from God.  I needed a balanced, Biblical perspective from which to draw instruction and encouragement.

Rating (on a scale of 1-4 hashtags):  # # # #

What it's about:  As someone who has battled the dream thieves, Rick Renner offers first hand advice on defeating both the inside and outside elements that derail one from fulfilling his purpose. 

Favorite Quotes: 

"To let go of your dream and to let the fire in your heart go out would be the greatest tragedy you could ever experience.  It is the equivalent of letting go of your uniqueness, your specialness, your individuality, your calling, and your gifting." -  pp. 1-2

"The closer you get to seeing your dream realized, and the closer you get to seeing the Word of God fulfilled in your life, the greater potential for pain and change." - p. 86.

"You see, patience is not passive....Patience is to aggressively choose to believe that God is faithful." p. 98

What I Liked:

• The author doesn't employ pie in the sky, pipe dream thinking.  Nowhere in this book does he ever say, "Well if it's of God it will work out no matter what."  He says to have some sense, plan, think, work, ponder questions.  This is totally 180 degrees of what I'd dealt with in my walk with Christ.  I'd been taught that to question meant you weren't walking in faith and to plan and work were a means to steal God's glory and try to play God.  Renner gives a more Biblically accurate picture of the balance between faith, patience and work.
• Mr. Renner is a Greek scholar and I like that he breaks down many of the scriptures to their exact meaning.  This gives a better picture of what is being said.

What I didn’t like: 

• The book ends rather abruptly.  I felt like there was more that needed to be said or that I'd missed something.
• Renner doesn't give help on how to know for sure that one's dream is from the Almighty.  It's written from the perspective of someone who knows for sure that it is.

To sum up: 

This book was a wonderful encouragement to me and I would recommend it to anyone who's struggling with finding or fulfilling their purpose in God.

Batteries Not Included: The Weekly Hodgepodge

Want to join the party?  Go on over to From This Side of the Pond  for the Hodgepodge link-up!

In honor of the date...when were you last sent on a 'fool's errand'?

Sometimes just doing life feels like a fool's errand.  I haven't necessarily been sent by anyone on this type of "adventure."

Peter Rabbit, Bugs Bunny, The Energizer Bunny, The Easter Bunny, Rabbit (Pooh's friend), White Rabbit (of Wonderland fame), or the Trix Rabbit...which of these 'famous' rabbits can you best relate to right now?

None of them really.  I wish I had the energy of the Energizer Bunny right about now.  Trix Rabbit?  Man, now I'm craving cereal.

When did you last find yourself scrambling to get something done? Explain.

Most months I'm scrambling to finish the door prize for the monthly senior citizen's dance.  No matter how early I start, it's rare for me to finish the project way ahead of time.

Last time you were up at the literal crack of dawn? Why? Last time you stayed up all night? Why?

I'm up at the crack of dawn most Sundays so that I can attend the early service.  I don't have any responsibilities for that service, so I can simply enjoy worship and hearing the sermon.  I'm running around like a chicken with its head cut off for second service; getting my music and instrument ready and so forth.

That last time I stayed up all night was when I had tonsillitis and a sinus infection so horrendous that I went to the emergency room (it was over a weekend and no doctor's offices were open).  I fought it at home most of the night before I finally gave up and drove myself to the ER.  They took me back for treatment pretty quickly, but I had to sit in the waiting area for a while after they gave me an antibiotic shot to make sure I wasn't allergic.  By the time I got home, the sun was coming up.  Not fun.

Crack a book, crack a bottle, crack a joke, crack an egg...which have you done most recently?

Crack a book.  I try to crack a joke daily.  Well, I cracked eggs for an omelet yesterday.  I've just been crack-a-lackin' this week.

What's your favorite part of a typical weekend? Tell us why that's so.

Sunday services because I'm worshipping my Lord and I'm with people.

What's something I'd find on a bookshelf in your home? Other than a book I mean!

DVD's and our "Change the World" globe bank.  Twice a year, our church collects change and give it to domestic missions projects.  At Easter, we give to the Annie Armstrong missions project.  At Christmas, we give to the Lottie Moon missions project.  The bookshelf is the best place for me to keep it, since I use that area nearly every day.

Insert your own random thought here.

I had a great mileage month.  I walked 70 miles in March.  I'm hoping to add cycling miles to my training this month.  I've also got two 5k races on my April schedule.

With my buddy Caleb.
Photo by
Michelle Payne

The Community Band finally had our Winter/Spring concert last night.  It went very well despite having a thunderstorm/hailstorm earlier.  I thought we were going to get a break, but they're talking about practicing next week.  I don't know.  I'm tired and need a break, plus still dealing with Mr. Alpha Male.  I may give myself a break...an extended break.

 I know that this time last year I was doing the A-Z blog challenge.  I've decided not to participate this year; at least not now.  I don't think I have enough of interest to write, plus, I don't think I have the energy for it.  These days I'm struggling to get my normal weekly posts done.  Maybe I'll get a wild hair in me and write like mad some other time.  I'm just not ready right now.

I think I've figured out what I'm going to do for my birthday next month.  More details to come.  Stay tuned.