Conclusion [A-Z Blog Challenge 2015]

Experiments From Auntie's Test Kitchen

Intro  A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Conclusion



                                                                                                                    

After four (yes FOUR) years of trying to complete this A-Z challenge, I feel it's time to put it, and me (well, and you too) out of our misery.  I was hoping this challenge would increase my cooking skills and make eating fun again.  Unfortunately, this has not happened.  Only a few recipes actually came out well.  I cannot continue the frustration of unsuccessful attempts or the expense of throwing away food that I (nor anyone else) can eat.

Do I feel like I've failed?  Of course.  Do I care?  Not anymore.  If I'd quit sooner, maybe, but not now. 

For everyone who endured this torture, thanks so much for reading and cheering me on.

Five Minute Friday: "Unknown"

⌚

My church, Colorado Community Church (CCC), is in transition right now.  Our new building is almost complete, and we're set to have our first service there December 8th. All is going well...

Except for me.

I know that God sent me to CCC, but even after two years, I'm still not adjusting well.  We are not a megachurch by any stretch, but our congregation is much larger than I'm used to.  The churches I attended back home had a couple hundred people at most, I was very involved in serving, and I knew the majority of my fellow congregants, their children, and the Pastors and staff.  Here, I feel so lost and unneeded.  We have our Sermon Connect small group, plus several of us have established our "neighborhood" in the sanctuary.  We sit in the same section so that if anyone isn't there, we can make sure they are OK (in theory anyway). Yet, I still feel alone and disconnected.

I know I'm in the right place right now, but my church life feels too full of unknowns right now.  Today, I was standing in the church foyer looking at the sea of strangers around me, and for the first time since the tornadoes hit Jacksonville, a wave of homesickness hit me so hard that I cried.  Sure, I miss my friends back home, Southern food, and winters without snow.  But what I miss the most right now are my Faith Temple and First Baptist families.

⏰

Five Minute Friday: "Active"

⌚

What's up with my activity level?  No, I'm not talking about my physical activity level.  I'm wondering about my creativity activity level.  Every time I sit down to write a blog, my mind shuts down, or I feel like what I'm writing sounds like Charlie Brown's teachers.  I haven't posted anything lately because y'all don't want to read that. 

Yep, that's about right.

I carved out some time this weekend to do some painting; now I'm not even sure if I want to do it.  Three (or is it four?) unfinished baby afghans lie in drawers waiting to be stitched.  Let's not even talk about Christmas.

In my spare time, all I want to do is sleep, not create.

My mind is very active, so what's wrong with the rest of me?

⏰

Old T-Shirts: The Simple Woman's Daybook

If you would like to join in and post your own Daybook, please head on over to visit Peggy at The Simple Woman's Daybook

 

For Today: Wednesday, September 11, 2019

Looking Out My Window... Lovely Football weather.  The days are still warm, but the evenings are nice and cool.

This isn't exactly outside my window, but I got to visit the Denver Botanic Gardens again with my small group.

All these wonderful colors will be great inspiration during the winter months.

 

I am Thinking...

...about what to do with my racing shirts.  If you've followed by blog over the years, you know that I ran 5k's on a consistent basis back home.  Of course, each race came with a t-shirt.  I have a whole box of race shirts that I don't want to get rid of, but to preserve the memory somehow.  I know there are t-shirt quilts, but I'm not confident enough in my sewing skills to cut up these shirts (if I mess up, I don't have a second shirt to try again with).  Also, it's expensive to get someone else to make the quilt (and rightfully so--that's a lot of work).  I hate for them to just sit in boxes under my bed.

...about the upcoming holidays and how I'm going to celebrate them.

...about the future of my artistic endeavors.  What do I do with art that everyone says is so wonderful, but will only receive it for free rather than pay for it?

...about home.

  

I am Thankful...

• For a church that balances outward ministry with inward ministry and they do their best to keep those who serve from being burned out.
• For a small group that likes deep spiritual conversations, rather than keeping everything on the surface.
• For friends back home who still care about me.

From the Workshop...

One of my co-workers is expecting a baby girl in October.
This crocheted blanket went to the new little princess last week.

I am Reading...

• Defining Moments:  The Harlem Renaissance by Kevin Hillstrom
• Faith Thinking:  The Dynamics of Christian Theology by Trevor Heart
• Life Together by Dietrich Bonhoeffer
• Crowded Pews and Lonely People by Marion Leach Jacobsen

Books I have completed since my last Daybook:

• Humility by Andrew Murray
• The Deeper Christian Life by Andrew Murray
• The Blue Castle by L. M. Montgomery

Favorite Quote(s) of the Week ...

"It is a good rule, after reading a new book, never to allow yourself another new one till you have read an old one in between. If that is too much for you, you should at least read one old one to every three new ones." - C. S. Lewis, On the Reading of Old Books.

"God is always preparing you for what He has already prepared for you. The point of this journey is who you will become on the way, not just the destination where you will arrive." Christine Caine

"Some of y'all put vinegar on your greens.  I don't know who you are, but you can get delivered today."  - Pastor John Gray, Relentless Church.

Now For Something Totally Different ...

Five Minute Friday Word of the Week:  Testimony

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Five Minute Friday: "Testimony"

⌚

How appropriate that this prompt comes right in the midst of what I was reading and pondering today.  This year I'm reading through Christine Caine's devotional Unshakable.  One of the passages I read today talked about how our walk and talk should match.  While that's nothing new, it is something I've had on my mind lately.

No, I am not living a life of blatant hypocrisy, however, certain things just aren't matching up.  My life is not the glowing example it should be to the world, or other Christ followers.  How can I convince anyone of how loving our Father is when my relationship with Him has become so distant?  How can I talk about what a wonderful provider our God is when I'm still struggling on a shoestring budget?  How can I pray for the healing power of Christ to touch someone when I still have sicknesses and diseases that I should have been rid of years ago?

Two things.

One, Romans 3:4 (KJV) says, "...let God be true, but every man a liar..."  Whether my life perfectly lines up to the standard or not, God's Word is always true.  God is perfect, therefore His Word is perfect.  I am an imperfect work in progress.  I'm growing, so getting my life up to par takes time.

Two, Revelation 12:11 says, "And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony..."  The more I testify about what the Lord did for me in the past, the more my heart is open to Him providing what I need to overcome in the present and future.  The more I lean on the blood sacrifice of Christ (the Lamb), the more I can understand and receive what that sacrifice provides.

I've said it over and over again since coming to Colorado two years ago that God didn't bring me 1400 miles to fail.  I was doing just peachy at that in Alabama.  No, I believe that this is part of the growth process I needed.  Christ's light will shine through the testimony of what He's about to do.  I am asking God to make my life more "true to form," so that it doesn't look like a lie.  He's faithful and will do it.

⏰

Losing Heart: The Simple Woman's Daybook

If you would like to join in and post your own Daybook, please head on over to visit Peggy at The Simple Woman's Daybook

 

For Today:  Thursday, August 15, 2019

Looking Out My Window... Summer is not letting up.  I'm glad because it took so long to get here.  I'm not looking forward to the coming change of season.  Football season?  Yes.  The first scary snow of October?  No.

I am Thinking...

About concerts...well about evening events in general.  I've missed so many good concerts and outings because I don't know how to safely navigate the Denver metro area at night.   Since I've been here, I've missed seeing Craig Ferguson, Christine Caine, Chris Tomlin, Itzhak Perlman and the Denver Symphony Orchestra, an orchestral tribute to Prince, Weird Al Yankovic (twice!), and the one that hurts the most, Rhett and Link.

I've never been comfortable with nighttime driving, especially since Denver is still relatively unfamiliar to me.   but it would be so expensive to rent a hotel close to a venue so that I could avoid driving at night.  I've mentioned on previous blog posts how seedy public transportation is during the day (especially Sunday of all days).  Should I really risk this at night?  I feel the same with ride sharing apps and taxis.  A single woman out by herself at night?  No thank you.  Let's not even mention all the concert and outing pictures I see from the friends where I wasn't invited.

Why do I feel like and older version of my younger self watching the cool kids play?

  

I am Thankful...

• A co-worker bought me a subscription to Southern Living magazine for my birthday.  It's wonderful  because out of all the grocery store, Walmart, and bookstore magazine racks I've perused since moving to Colorado NONE of them have that magazine.  
• In July, I celebrated 11 years of recovery.
• I find it really cool that the local library allows adults to participate in the Summer Reading Program.  I even earned a library canvas bag for completing a reading goal.
• Another reason to be thankful for my local library?  They sell recent magazines in their bookstore for 25¢ each. 
• Two years ago today, I arrived in Colorado and started on this crazy adventure.  I thank God for all that He has done and continues to do in my life.

From the Workshop...

I've painted since 1999.  I developed my skills through local paint shops and paint-and-sip places, numerous books and YouTube videos.  To this day, I still watch Bob Ross videos in awe.  Though I'm a good learner, I wasn't sure if I could successfully teach someone else to paint.

Then enters my friend, Diana.

We'd planned to go together to a local paint-and-sip shop, but the only painting we both liked was either being taught on a day we couldn't go, or was painted on wood, which would frustrate a beginner.  So Diana, knowing I was toying with the idea of leaning to teach, decides that I'm just going to teach her to paint it on a canvas.

Well, as you can see from the photo, my first instructional attempt was a success.  So, let's see where this new skill takes me.

 

 

I am Reading... 

• Defining Moments:  The Harlem Renaissance by Kevin Hillstrom
• Faith Thinking:  The Dynamics of Christian Theology by Trevor Heart

Books I have completed since my last Daybook:

• Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life  by Donald S. Whitney
• God Breathed by Josh McDowell
• Men, Women, and Worthiness  by Brene Brown
• So Long, Insecurity:  You've Been a Bad Friend to Us by Beth Moore. A glorious reread that I reviewed here.
• Looking for Lovely by Annie F. Downs

Favorite Quote(s) of the Week ...

"You know you need some time off when you crack an egg directly into the trashcan instead of the bowl you intended to scramble it in. #HaveMercy" - Auntie's Musings


Dear Best Foods:

1. Dukes makes better mayonnaise than you.
2. Your commercial is annoying.  This is the first I've heard of making a grilled cheese sandwich with mayo.  Most importantly, if Julie really is a mother of three and can't already make a grilled cheese sandwich, I question her parenting skills.  How about some REAL recipes. -

Love, Auntie.


"Universal truth: Do you know what a fitness instructor means by "One more time"? NOTHING!" - Auntie's Musings

My Mythical Summer... I'll have to admit that while this was a fun idea, I'm struggling, y'all.  Several of the badges I earned during My Mythical Year were sold out at Mythical.store, and were never restocked.  I've been informed that they're not planning on restocking them (which I find tacky).  So, any badges I earn in the next little bit won't have anything to show for it.  I wonder should I continue on with the project, or just drop it? 

Now For Something Total Different ...

Five Minute Friday Word of the Week:  World.

Five Minute Friday: "Take"

⌚

• Take My Life and Let it Be
• Takin' Care of Business
• Take on Me
• Take Me Home
• Take This Job and Shove It
• We're Not Gonna Take It
• Every Breath You Take

As the saying goes, we're supposed to "take life by the reins."  Thought I know that God holds the reins of my life, I'm also well aware that there are steps I must take to get into and stay in God's great plan.  I can't be like a bucking bronco and try to go my own way.  I must be more docile by readily yielding to the promptings of God's spirit.

My goal is to take charge of life, rather that let it happen around me.  I'm making a conscious effort to say yes to more things even when I'm afraid.  Even on the rare occasion that things didn't go as well as expected, I've been bettered for the experience.  Some fears are still there, but some have been adequately conquered.  My job is to keep taking all the God-offered opportunities given to me.

⏰

My Mythical Summer: The Simple Woman's Daybook

If you would like to join in and post your own Daybook, please head on over to visit Peggy at The Simple Woman's Daybook

 

 

For Today:  Wednesday, July 3, 2019

 

Looking Out My Window ... Summer has finally settled in and it's been gorgeous.  The lack of humidity on the hotter days makes the heat much more tolerable.

I am Thinking...My thoughts are an incoherent muddle of poo.  June was not a great month for me and I can't pinpoint where it all went wrong.  Here's hoping for a better July.

  

I am Thankful...

• 

  Marvel (L)
  Richard (R)

  For encouraging words:  Someone who works on another floor in our building said to me "Create a good day for yourself."  Never had anyone say that before and I thought it was cool.  It also made me smile.
• For family:  This week, my brother, Marvel, my cousin, Richard, and their wives stopped by the office and we went out to lunch.  They've been on a cross-country road trip and made a stop in Denver.  I've not seen my brother in more than two years.  Richard and I haven't seen each other since I was twelve.
• I made it a week without eating any of the junk brought to our breakroom.  It's a small victory, but a victory nonetheless.
• I'm registered for my first semester at CCU.  First day of classes is August 26th.  Y'all pray now.

  

From the Workshop...

 

New from the workshop...Summer Card Collection.  For information, please click here.

From Auntie's Test Kitchen...

I've ruined yet another set of meals and discovered that I'm going to have to buy a more pricey can opener so I can quit risking having metal shards in my food or cutting the crap out of myself trying to pry open an improperly opened can.  So. Freakin'.  Frustrating.

I am Reading... 

• Defining Moments:  The Harlem Renaissance by Kevin Hillstrom
• Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life  by Donald S. Whitney
• God Breathed (book and workbook) by Josh McDowell

Books I have completed since my last Daybook:

• Next Level Thinking by Joel Osteen.  My Goodreads comments are here.
• Hello, Beauty Full by Elisa Morgan.  Please see my review here.
• The Screwtape Letters by C. S. Lewis

Favorite Quote(s) of the Week ...

When someone asks what the "Max A/C" means on an automobile's air conditioner, the standard Southern answer is, "Nothin'." - Auntie's Musings

"It would be great if it weren't terrible." - Link Neal, Good Mythical More, #1520

"For those who want to pimp slap their co-workers for putting a butt-load of cookies in the breakroom...we pray to the Lord." - Auntie's musings

"...being set free and walking in freedom are not at all the same thing. Jesus set you free, but you yourself must choose to walk in freedom, relying on His strength, His grace, and His Spirit." - Christine Caine, Unshakeable.  p. 173

"Whoever said, 'Less is more' obviously took Common Core math." - Auntie's musings.

My Mythical Year... I earned the last badge for my Mythical year here.

And that brings My Mythical Year to a close.  I've had such a wonderful time with earning these badges that I have made the executive decision to keep the fun going a little longer, so I introduce---My Mythical Summer.  This will have the same premise as My Mythical Year and will run from July 1 to September 30, 2019.  Yeah, I know the first day of autumn is September 23rd, but why stop in the middle of the month?

Although I still haven't been able to purchase all the badges I earned this year and I have been informed that Mythical isn't planning on restocking them (giving side eye), I'm going to earn more of them anyway!  So, there!  Besides, maybe enough people with request them and Mythical will restock them.  Here's to hoping.  C'mon, y'all!

Now For Something Totally Different ...

Five Minute Friday Word of the Week:  World.

Off the Grid: Me, Myself, and Isolation [My Mythical Year] [101 in 1001 v. 2]

See my post here for more information on My Mythical Year. 

Isolation.  For some, too much of it can be detrimental to the psyche.  Too little of it can make some anxious and overwhelmed.  My being an ambivert (I thought it was omnivert this whole time) requires me to have a balance of socialization and nourishing isolation.

But wait, you live most of your life in isolation, why would you need more of it?

Hush, you don't know me like that.

Anyway...

For me, the internet and social media are an integral part of my connection to the outside world.  Hopefully, I will always prefer face-to-face interaction over electronic interaction.  However, I felt I was getting out of balance with it, plus it was really starting to depress me.

In case you're not aware of it, Mother's Day is the hardest holiday on the calendar for me.  The week before, I started feeling the icy claws of depression and inadequacy start to scratch at my heart.  I tried to ignore it, but all the pictures of families and the Proverbs 31 shaming had already started.

Side note:  Also, if you aren't aware of it, I love moms, dads, kids, families, and Proverbs, chapter 31.  However, I don't like how they've been presented to those like me for whom they are not an option.  Or, as in the case of Proverbs, chapter 31, presented as an exclusive club that only the best women can be a part of ...which is a lie and something God never said.

I had already planned at some point to have a technology free weekend as part of my 101 in 1001 list, and  Mother's Day weekend seemed to be the perfect time;  My friends would be busy with family, and I figured my Pastor would be slinging Proverbs 31 from one end of the sanctuary to the other (he didn't, but I didn't know that), so staying in wouldn't be noticed.

My plan was to, without preamble or announcement, go without my phone, tablet, and laptop from Friday after work until I went back to work on Monday, the 13th.  As I said in my review of What Falls From the Sky:

Though I don't believe that I'm addicted to the internet or social media, I do feel somewhat overwhelmed by it and have a need to occasionally get completely off the grid. 

What I thought

I figured my reactions would be withdrawal and feeling lonely because I couldn't periodically check my apps for interactions.  Also, turning off my tablet means that I have to curtail my habit of listening to a book, podcast, or video until I go to sleep.  Would I be able to sleep with so much quiet?  Then there's FOMO - Fear of Missing Out.  What if something cool happens while I'm gone?  What if I lose all the Words With Friends games I started?  What if...?  Oh, whatever!

What really happened

I thoroughly enjoyed it.  There was no withdrawal, no problems getting to sleep, and no lonely feeling like I'd missed out.  In fact, when I went back on the grid that Monday, I saw that I really hadn't missed anything and it really felt like a letdown to have to go back (except, there was a new GMM episode to watch).  Plus, I finished some projects I'd started long ago.  It was a very freeing experience.  To borrow a quote from The Book of Mythicality:

It is important for [me] to get time to [myself] in order to be the Mythical [Auntie I] need to be.  When [I] get the opportunity to experience moments of pure, unadulterated, self reflection, it can be thoroughly reinvigorating.

So, if an occasional break from the chaos of the bling and ping of electronics and social media makes me a better Auntie, I'm all for it.

Five Minute Friday: "World"

⌚

Several songs came to mind when I saw the prompt (videos below):

• Hey World!
• Place in the World
• Big World
• This is My Father's World

I know that most people think that someone my age shouldn't still be wondering what her place is in the world.  Fortunately, I have better people in my life than that.  A couple of conversations this week have given me hope.

One conversation reminded me that I'm not behind.  I often feel like I'm behind everyone and can never catch up.  I have to remember that God knows all;  He knew when I would enter this world before I was even thought of.  He knew what my past would be.  He knew how long it would take me to work my recovery.  He knows how many days I have in this world and how I can complete what He has for me in the time I have left.

Psalm 31:15a - "My times are in your hands..."

I was sharing with a co-worker my thoughts from my last FMF post (she doesn't read my blog).  Her take on it was very different.  She said that while it may be true that some see God using the healing of their childhood hurts as a way to make them a better spouse and/or parent, it's more important that it makes one be more Christ-like in every relationship. 

Matthew 10:8 - "Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out devils: freely ye have received, freely give." 

As I freely receive, I want to freely pass the healing to anyone who wants it.

⏰

Postscript:  One more song came to mind as I finished this post (video below).  The lines that stood out are in the bridge:

And if I take it all for granted, I can throw it all away.
     So I want to leave the world better when I’m gone.
And I know the morning after will bring another day.
     So this is my revival song… it’s my revival song.

Five Minute Friday: "Question"

 

 

⌚

This July, I'll have been working on my recovery for eleven years.  One phrase often uttered in Celebrate Recovery meetings is "God never wastes a hurt."  Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."  I've come a very long way, but, unfortunately, there is still much hurt to deal with.

Most people who have sordid childhoods say that God used that hurt to make them better spouses and parents.

I have lots of questions for God.  The main one right now being how will my hurts not be a waste since marriage and children are not in His playbook for me?  I'm fine with that, since I never want to pass the hurt to anyone.  However, how do I pass the healing on?  I never want anyone to experience the hurts that still haunt me to this day.  I can't stop someone else's hurt, but I hope that somehow I can be useful in mentoring someone through the process of stopping those past hurts from ruining the present and stealing from the future--a process I'm going through right now.

How will this hurt not be wasted?

⏰

2019 Book Nook Reading Challenge: 08

Title:  Hello, Beauty Full.  

Author:  Elisa Morgan

Info:  Copyright 2015:  Nashville:  W Publishing Group

Rating (on a scale of 1-4 stars):  ✮✮✮✮

Where Acquired:  Purchased from the author.

Category:  This falls into two categories Impulse Reads and Recommended Reading.  The author spoke at a ladies' brunch at my church and shared insights from this book.  Her share time was so good, I decided to purchase of copy to get more of the story.

Synopsis:  Beautiful.  How many women actually see themselves as beautiful through the eyes of the Almighty?  Using scripture and personal examples, Morgan takes the phrase "Hello, beautiful" and expounds on the elements of each portion of the phrase.  Hello: the call to wake up to the hiss of enemy's lies.  Beauty:  The true godly elements of beauty that the world may or may not recognize.  Full: the call to truly live life to the full as God intended.

Favorite Quotes:

"More pleasing to me than all your prayers, works, and penances is that you would believe I love you." - Brennan Manning, p. xxii

Rather than abandoning me to act sinful, God invites me into acting saved.  Rather than leaving me indentured as a slave to shame, God releases me to unfettered freedom.  Rather than only rescuing me from how I've been wounded, God heals me whole, as if the evil never occurred. - p. 13

At the turn of the first millennium, a monk named Bernard of Clairvaux clarified four stages of love, each building in maturity on the others:
     1.  Love of self for self's sake.
     2.  Love of God for self's sake.
     3.  Love of God for God's sake.
     4.  Love of self for God's sake. - p. 73

Quaker Parker J. Palmer wrote, "Our deepest calling is to grow into our authentic selfhood, whether or not it conforms to some image of who we ought to be.  As we do so, we will not only find the joy that every human seeks--we will also find our path of authentic service to the world."  - p. 76-77

The Positive:

• I've waited so long for a woman of great influence to say much of what was said in this book.  The message was very empowering to women without the need to emasculate men to accomplish it.  She talks about how men and women are called of God to work together and to exercise their influence to better the Kingdom of God.  This was so refreshing to hear.
• I found the premise of the book quite clever.
• Unlike many authors of this genre the author puts her own life into the book. She didn't distance herself from the reader as if to say, "Hey I've got this all figured out.  Now I'm going to tell you little people how to straighten up."
• I enjoyed Morgan's dry, self deprecating humor.

The Negative:

• Morgan wrongly asserts that "It's well documented that women uniquely struggle under the shadow of shame, both real and imagined." (p. 37)  Women are not unique to shame.  In fact, much of the research done by Brené Brown, whose material she cites and I have read, conveys the exact opposite.  Yes, Morgan's book is geared toward women, but men's experiences of shame and insecurity shouldn't be dismissed.
• If she mentioned MOPS international once, she mentioned it a dozen times.  We get it!  Her time at MOPS is not what give her book credence, her honesty, her openness, her willingness to put herself into the book; that's what gave it credence.
• Her assertion that female sexuality and the "ability to turn a head, just because I'm a girl" is somehow some gift from God is ludicrous, not to mention degrading.  Women are not just sexual objects for men to ogle over.  
• While I thoroughly appreciate that this wasn't a wives and moms only book, her chapter on "Womb" left me cold.  While she acknowledges that every woman isn't called to be the mother of a biological child, her wording seemed to indicate that those who are called to "birth" other things are merely getting a consolation prize from God and are still second class citizens among "real" godly women.

Conclusion:

I would recommend this book to any woman who struggles with her identity in Christ.  I most likely will reread this volume; there's so much to absorb and so much more soul searching to do.

Five Minute Friday: "Well"

 

⌚

I've known.  I've known for a long time, but I tried to muddle through for a while without it.  Wellness and total healing require community.  I'm not just talking about doctors, nurses, and mental health specialists, though those are great and necessary.  No, I mean the other things we don't want to admit we need; accountability partners, mentors, friends, and ourselves.

Yes, I said we need ourselves in the mix for total wellness. 

Everyone around me can want me to be my best, send me well wishes, offer to help, and be there for me, but if I'm not there for me, forget it.  That may be why Jesus asked the man at the pool of Bethesda, "Do you want to get well?" (John 5:6)  Even the Lord Himself doesn't force wellness onto those who don't want it.  He continues to love, continues to draw us with His goodness (Romans 2:4), and all we have to do is ask.

Since I've been in Colorado, I have asked for such community.  I thought I could muddle through without it, but I was failing miserably without it.  Not only do have good medical doctors to monitor my physical health, I've also found a Celebrate Recovery, an affordable fitness facility, and a mentor/coach/counselor close by.  I'm slowly making friends and surrounding myself with healthy people.

Do I want to get well?  Yes.  Absolutely.  Yes!

⏰

If I Leave Here Tomorrow: Stay Woke at Your Wake [My Mythical Year]

See my post here for more information on My Mythical Year. 

"I want to live a life and love in such a way that if circumstances dictate that I know when I'm passing away, [...] that there are people that love me so much that they drop whatever they're doing to fly from across the world or across a nation to see me one last time." - Charles Lincoln "Link" Neal III, Ear Biscuits. July 2, 2018.

Today is my 47th birthday.  Forty-seven years on this spinning orb.  Forty-seven years of attempting an authentic life.  Last year, when I heard Neal speak those words at a time of great pain for him and his family (the grandfather who helped raise him was dying), it got me pondering my own life and love level.  Have I lived and loved well enough for people to care when I'm dying or dead?  After nearly a year of thinking about it, I'd have to say no.  It's not been from not trying.  I've lived and loved in the best way I knew how, but I'm not convinced it's good enough.

It's a shame that who loves you or the impact you've had is never revealed until you're not there to hear it.  No, I'm not planning on going anywhere anytime soon--He ain't through with me yet.  And, no, this isn't an ego thing; I'm not fishing for words of affirmation.  I'm simply saying that I acknowledge that so far, my life hasn't been up to par.

So, I set before you two scenarios.  Those of you who are closest to me and remain must decide what kind of funeral I'm due.  Heck take a Facebook poll if you want to--I don't care.

Scenario One:
If, indeed, my life has had no positive impact, please do the cheapest, no frills disposal of my body.  Cremation is cheap.  Don't buy a fancy urn for my ashes.  Put them in a pork and bean can, a pickle jar, or an empty beer can--whatever.  Dispose of them as efficiently as possible.  Throw them away, give them to a coke head to snort--I don't care.  Since there will be no service, there's no need for an obituary.  I didn't deserve any better.

Having no positive impact also means that I'll most likely die alone.  Don't be alarmed, I'm not as concerned about it as most everyone else is.  As I've said before, whether I die surrounded by loved ones, or I unceremoniously pass in isolation, I'm still dead.  That doesn't change anything.

Scenario Two:
If, in fact, I have lived and loved well enough to have a real funeral....

My obit (it will be edited to reflect the most accurate data until I'm gone):

Funeral services for Miss Shannon Maddox, 51, will be held Saturday (date) at 2:00 p.m (or whatever works for y'all). at Colorado Community Church in Aurora, CO, with Pastor Robert Gelinas officiating (or whoever at the church is willing to do it).  Visitation will be an hour before the service.  Miss Maddox died (where it happened).  She is proceeded in death by her parents, ML and Dorsalean Maddox, her nieces, April Wade and Lucretia Looney, her brother, Melvin Brewster, and her sister, Laura Barlow.    She is survived by her brothers, M. Brewster (Laura), T. Maddox (Marie), and D. Maddox; her sisters M. Cox (Jerry), M. Coleman, C. Bradford (Bernard), I. Guzman (Ramon), and a host of nieces, nephews, grandnieces, and grandnephews.

Known as "Auntie" by those who knew her, Miss Maddox, a native of Jacksonville, Alabama,  was an artist, musician, writer and Bible teacher.  In lieu of flowers please send donations to Colorado Family Life Center of Aurora, Colorado, The More Life Community Center of Aurora, Colorado, Colorado Christian University's College of Adult and Graduate Studies Hope Fund, Jacksonville Christian Academy's Scholarship Fund or Jacksonville State University's band scholarship fund.  Or, if neither option is agreeable, use the gift as a random act of kindness for someone in need.

My attire:

I wish to be buried in a wedding gown.  I don't care if it's a cheap one.  In fact, since I know that the back of it will be cut out and it will draped over my body (thanks, GMM), a nice looking, inexpensive, white wedding gown will suffice.  Why a wedding gown?  This world (and unfortunately the church) placed such honor on wives and mothers while it dishonored someone like me for never getting married and/or never having children.  I want to show honor to my Maker who is my Husband (Isaiah 54:5) by dressing for the marriage supper of the Lamb (Revelation 19:7-9)

The music:  This is a celebration, so no sad songs allowed.  AND SING LIKE YOU MEAN IT!

 

BTW--If anyone even HINTS at wanting to play I Can Only Imagine, please punch them in the throat.  I liked that song when it first came out, but I've heard it and played it at so many funerals it's ruined it for me.

I know this isn't a sacred song, but if it's not too tacky, use it somewhere for the funeral.  If I didn't accomplish anything else, I tried to bring joy to those I encountered.

What's said: 

Dear Pastor Gelinas, please let everyone know where I went, how I got there, and how they can get there too.  Plain, simple, direct.

Afterwards, have a party...a good one.

Love to you all.

This post will remain as a link on the homepage of my blog until such a time as it becomes unnecessary--which hopefully, won't be for a long time.