Sunday, March 15, 2015

Quitting My Bracket: The Simple Woman's Daybook

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For Today:  Sunday, March 15, 2015
 

Outside my window … After days of nothing but cloudy, rainy skies, sunshine pours through the windows.

I am thinking... about what a friend asked me recently.  She simply asked me, "What's your plan?"  I had no answer for her.  All I could tell her was what I wasn't going to do, but had no idea what I was going to do.  Yeah, I know that's not a plan, but what can I do?  I can't plan for other people's reactions and moods.  I can't plan for sick days, depression, and bad weather.  I've got to figure out something.

I am thankful... For sunshine.

In the kitchen...  Heck if I know. I need some kind of emergency contingency plan for when I have a bad day.
 
I am creating...

African Starling:  5x7 Watercolor on paper.
This was a door prize for this month's senior dance.

I am going...  hmmm...I'll get back to you on that one.
 
I am wondering... If I should just quit.  I dropped my posting to MyFitnessPal already. Seems counterproductive to depress oneself by continuing to record all my hard work yet showing no results.  I quit trying to post my food and calories.   It had me so obsessed with getting the numbers right that I always ate way too much or way too little. 

This week was one of the worst weeks I've had so far this year.  With the dreary weather came a spilling over of depression that I just couldn't handle anymore.  All I did was sleep, eat, and try to workout or get some work done in between.

I feel so stuck.  I've got so many problems I need to work on that I can't keep up with it all.  My finances and health and all that go with them are in a wreck, but working on one seems to damage the other.

I keep exploring my personal issues, but still can't get to the root of why I keep choosing death over life, despair over hope, self-loathing over self care. 

I'm tired of my mantra being "maybe next year."  Pretty soon I'm going to run out of next years.

I'm not sure about quitting entirely.  I just want to quit what isn't working.  I'm just not sure what is working.  I'd think I'd rather die trying instead of quitting.  I don't know.
 
I am reading... Since this week was so horrible, I decided to temporarily drop the books I was reading (or not reading) and pick up something else.  I'm reading Dream Thieves by Rick Renner.
 
I am hoping... that I have a better week.

I am looking forward to... Being able to fit a standard sized towel all the way around me.

I am learning
…  There is strength in numbers, even if that number is one.

Around the house...  I think I can officially put some spring in the corners now.  I know, I keep saying I'm going to, but when the mood hits it's cold or raining.  The only day this week rain is predicted is Wednesday.  So, there's my shot.
 
I am pondering...  What my life would have been like had I not had access to the internet and social media.  Scary thought.

A favorite quote for today... 

"I'm a Christian too, but man, I've got a couple of flaws.  I try to go with all the commandments, but on a good day I'm 7 out of 10...on a GOOD day" - Steve Harvey

"I can't keep up with all these little nit-pick things that offend people. I ain't got time for it.  If [you're] that offended, stay home." - Greg Burgess

"It's always 'Can I stay out till 12 o'clock?'  I say no 'cause ain't nothin' open after 12 o'clock except the ER and legs, and you ain't going to be signing up for either one of them." - Todd Chrisley

One of my favorite things... Watercolor paints.  My favorite brands are Grumbacher and Van Gogh.  If the tubes don't get too much air, they last a long time.  I still have most of the paint I bought when I started sixteen years ago. 

A few plans for the rest of the week:   Running errands, band practice, workouts, and I've been invited by some friends to go to Winter Jam Saturday.  I haven't been to a real concert in more than 20 years.  I'm excited and honored to have been invited.

A peek into my day...  The beautiful sunshine drew me out to the Ladiga Trail for a walk. 


12 comments:

  1. I think that winter has brought about so much depression for most of us. Don't give up!! You matter!! And I loved what you are looking forward too! Wouldn't that be awesome. I just bought bigger towels :) Have a good week! And enjoy Winter Jam!

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  2. Try this link for Scripture Typer and then join. You just have to login each time

    https://scripturetyper.com/login

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  3. Winter HAS brought on a lot of "depression" and laziness...even in Florida when we do get a chill! So happy to see the sunshine and warmer weather!

    Hope you have a better week...thanks for sharing your feelings with us!

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    1. Thank you for taking time to read my ramblings, Barbara.

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  4. Shannon, I appreciate your genuine honesty. I have etched these promises in my heart and they always sustain me in good and not so good times:

    Jeremiah 29:11 -- "I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

    Phil 4:13 -- "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

    Love your sense of humor!! Take care(:

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  5. Sounds like you are in a storm right now. It always feels worse on the inside than on the outside of one. Hugs to you and encouragement to not give up. If you give up you have no hope of things looking up. Remember that God will carry you through the storm.

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    1. Thanks, Hilary. The problem is that I seem to stay in a storm without any relief. It's getting very difficult to simply keep going.

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