Quitting My Bracket: The Simple Woman's Daybook

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For Today:  Sunday, March 15, 2015
 

Outside my window … After days of nothing but cloudy, rainy skies, sunshine pours through the windows.

I am thinking... about what a friend asked me recently.  She simply asked me, "What's your plan?"  I had no answer for her.  All I could tell her was what I wasn't going to do, but had no idea what I was going to do.  Yeah, I know that's not a plan, but what can I do?  I can't plan for other people's reactions and moods.  I can't plan for sick days, depression, and bad weather.  I've got to figure out something.

I am thankful... For sunshine.

In the kitchen...  Heck if I know. I need some kind of emergency contingency plan for when I have a bad day.
 

I am creating...

African Starling:  5x7 Watercolor on paper.
This was a door prize for this month's senior dance.

I am going...  hmmm...I'll get back to you on that one.
 

I am wondering... If I should just quit.  I dropped my posting to MyFitnessPal already. Seems counterproductive to depress oneself by continuing to record all my hard work yet showing no results.  I quit trying to post my food and calories.   It had me so obsessed with getting the numbers right that I always ate way too much or way too little. 

This week was one of the worst weeks I've had so far this year.  With the dreary weather came a spilling over of depression that I just couldn't handle anymore.  All I did was sleep, eat, and try to workout or get some work done in between.

I feel so stuck.  I've got so many problems I need to work on that I can't keep up with it all.  My finances and health and all that go with them are in a wreck, but working on one seems to damage the other.

I keep exploring my personal issues, but still can't get to the root of why I keep choosing death over life, despair over hope, self-loathing over self care. 

I'm tired of my mantra being "maybe next year."  Pretty soon I'm going to run out of next years.

I'm not sure about quitting entirely.  I just want to quit what isn't working.  I'm just not sure what is working.  I'd think I'd rather die trying instead of quitting.  I don't know.
 

I am reading... Since this week was so horrible, I decided to temporarily drop the books I was reading (or not reading) and pick up something else.  I'm reading Dream Thieves by Rick Renner.
 

I am hoping... that I have a better week.

I am looking forward to... Being able to fit a standard sized towel all the way around me.

I am learning…  There is strength in numbers, even if that number is one.

Around the house...  I think I can officially put some spring in the corners now.  I know, I keep saying I'm going to, but when the mood hits it's cold or raining.  The only day this week rain is predicted is Wednesday.  So, there's my shot.

 

I am pondering...  What my life would have been like had I not had access to the internet and social media.  Scary thought.

A favorite quote for today... 

"I'm a Christian too, but man, I've got a couple of flaws.  I try to go with all the commandments, but on a good day I'm 7 out of 10...on a GOOD day" - Steve Harvey

"I can't keep up with all these little nit-pick things that offend people. I ain't got time for it.  If [you're] that offended, stay home." - Greg Burgess

"It's always 'Can I stay out till 12 o'clock?'  I say no 'cause ain't nothin' open after 12 o'clock except the ER and legs, and you ain't going to be signing up for either one of them." - Todd Chrisley

One of my favorite things... Watercolor paints.  My favorite brands are Grumbacher and Van Gogh.  If the tubes don't get too much air, they last a long time.  I still have most of the paint I bought when I started sixteen years ago. 

A few plans for the rest of the week:   Running errands, band practice, workouts, and I've been invited by some friends to go to Winter Jam Saturday.  I haven't been to a real concert in more than 20 years.  I'm excited and honored to have been invited.

A peek into my day...  The beautiful sunshine drew me out to the Ladiga Trail for a walk.