Our Mistress of Ceremonies for the Five Minute Friday is Kate over at Heading Home. Hope you link up with us and join the fun.
I'm so sick of making plans. I've grown weary of lost causes. Why plan if it's all going to crumble around me? Why plan for success if I'm going to be surrounded by saboteurs?
God's plans are what's best for me, but I'm having a very hard time knowing what they are. I think I know, then I screw them up. Then, it's back to the drawing board for me.
I wished I'd been like my classmates who know from day one what they wanted to do and be when they grew up. I thought I knew. I even got a degree in it, but here I sit with no chance of going into that field the conventional way. I'm sure it's because I didn't let God pick and plan my major. Same with graduate school. I knew what I had planned to do, but lies from my advisors curtailed those plans and dreams. By the time I found out the truth, it was too late. I was already in student loan debt and at the end of my studies. I couldn't borrow more money to do what I really wanted. Besides, it may have not come out right either.
I'm near the end--the end of all that I own, the end of all my dreams, the end of all of my patience and sanity. I have gotten nowhere and see no way out. Everything I care about will now fit in my Honda Accord. I have nothing significant to show for my life but nearly 43 years of failed plans.