I had the fun privilege of house/dog sitting for some
friends of mine a while back. Along with
wifi access, I was able to watch TV shows that I had only heard about (I don’t
have cable at home). One of those shows
was Hoarding: Buried Alive on The Learning Channel (TLC). They had a show marathon, and I watched as
much as I could stand.
Hoarding is a reality show about people who cannot
stop collecting and storing items. Their
homes slowly deteriorate from piles of items in one room, to multiple rooms being
used as storage closets, and ultimately ending up a dump that houses mounds and
mounds of debris, some valuable, some filthy junk. By the time the camera crews show up, the
homes have become unlivable, and some have literally become dangerous health hazards.
I saw many similar character traits in each hoarder:
-
Fear – They were
all afraid to let go of anything. They
felt like their stuff was a cocoon that protected them, when in fact, it
imprisoned them.
- Isolation – They
did not let anyone come to their houses and many did not go out in public
unless absolutely necessary.
- Shame – They went
to great lengths to protect their secret from their loved ones.
- Despair and
Depression - Most of the hoarders I saw were depressed; some were even suicidal.
After watching these shows, I had to ask myself the
question: Am I a hoarder?
Not a hoarder of material things (no, my apartment does not look like that,
thank God), but a hoarder of body clutter.
I saw my excess weight and self-destructive thinking were parallel with
the mentality of the hoarders on the TV show.
I was fearful. I didn’t want to let go of the weight for a
while because I thought it was a cocoon that protected me from other people’s
bad feelings and lecherous men’s unwanted advances. I didn’t want to let go of the negative
thinking either. I believed that if I
could think and say it about myself
first, it wouldn’t hurt to hear it from anyone else. First John 4:18
says that “perfect love casts out fear.”
The reverse is also true; fear casts out love. Pastor Rick Warren said, “Any barrier you
build around your heart to protect it from pain also blocks out love.” I saw this in my own life. My fearful heart had no room to love anyone, especially
myself.
My fearful heart isolated
me. I thought being away from people
made me safe, but there is more safety in numbers. I Peter 1:8 says that satan “as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may
devour.” What kind of prey do lions
seek? Prey that is injured or alone
because they are easy pickings, won’t put up much of fight, and are
unprotected. In Ecclesiastes 4, King
Solomon points out that life is better when not lived in isolation.
Being isolated lead to feelings of
shame. I was ashamed to be around anyone, ashamed of
what I looked like, and ashamed of the failure that I had become. I didn’t want my hoard of pain to be seen
anymore. My days consisted of going to
work, going home, and going to church and that was it. If I had to leave the house to shop for
groceries or anything necessary, I went during off peak hours to avoid running
into anyone who knew me. I stopped
wearing makeup, doing my hair, and considered any extra care I took of myself a
waste. I was a mess…a hot mess.
Well, at the worst of it, this hot
mess was so depressed and so full of
despair that she didn’t want to live
anymore. I wasn’t really living
anyway. I was just existing; surviving
from one crappy moment to the next. What
difference did my body dying make? I
didn’t have the balls to just off myself, just to slowly disappear from life and
hope to die alone in my sleep. After
all, that was the death I felt I deserved.
So how do any of us hoarders get
free? One statement I heard from one of
the hoarding/OCD experts on the show was, “Clear the clutter inside or
risk losing your home forever.” Some got
the message; some didn’t. Whether it was
the psychologist who made them make quick decisions about what to keep and what
to throw away, or a moving crew with a semi to pick up the items and hall them
away, each person who got the message had lots of people to help.
Wow, I think God was talking to me. I got the message and started doing the same
things to clear my life’s clutter because I wasn't ready to give up my home—my
body, mind, and spirit. I got a lot of
help. I’ve talked about accountability
before, but I also had to clear some clutter through talking about it and
dealing with it through prayer, hearing God’s Word, and confessing my faults
and sorting them out with someone I trust.
I’ve been an active member of a Celebrate Recovery support group for
several years, which is also a big help.
I’ve chosen to let go of some junky things to gain something
better. I now have people in my life who
keep me on the path of clearing out the hoard and not letting me collect new
junk…none on my body and none in my mind.
It has been a tedious process, but my “cleaning teams” are very patient
with me, even when I am not patient with myself. I never want to be a hoarder again!
Are you a hoarder?
Who can you get to help you clean
up?
