31 Days of 5 Minute Free Writes - 02: "Fear" [My Mythical Year]



For information on 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes
please see Mrs. Kate's site here:
http://fiveminutefriday.com/2018/08/30/31-days-five-minute-free-writing-prompts-2018/

OK, I'm going to cheat a little (OK, a bunch) on this one.  This obviously took me more than five minutes to write, but this episode from My Mythical Year went so well with the prompt.  For more information on My Mythical Year, please click here.

As one who became a licensed driver later in life (I was almost 27), I relish every mile I put on the odometer.  While most of my treks have been for utilitarian reasons, I've taken a few fun jaunts and Sunday drives.  And, of course, my biggest trip ever was my three day excursion moving here from Alabama.

Since coming to Colorado, my penchant for a leisurely drive has been severely curtailed.  Yes, being without a vehicle for nearly six months will do that, but I've been back behind the wheel since mid-May.  I'll admit, it took me a bit to get comfortable again and adjust to a different vehicle, but now just the thought of driving somewhere unfamiliar brings out a serious visceral response in my body.  No, we're not talking your normal apprehension.  We're talking nausea, body tremors, rapid pulse, and a strong urge to curl up in the fetal position (and my body can't even do that yet).

What the heck?!

I'm pretty sure I need some kind of counseling or psychological evaluation for this level of insanity but...

Anyway...

The first thing I needed to do was to evaluate this fear.  The unwarranted anxiety is rooted in 1) not wanting to get lost and having no way to get un-lost, 2) something happening on the road and having no help, and 3) the alone factor.  The first two are unlikely since 1) I have GPS on my phone and a pretty decent sense of direction, and 2) my car is in good shape, plus I have roadside assistance with my insurance (and neither of these things have EVER happened).  The third just is what it is and I need to get over it.  As I said in my last Daybook:

No, it's a different kind of nuttiness.  It's kind of like the fear people try to put on me for being single; "You're going to die alone."  You know what?  When I die (if Jesus doesn't return first), whether I'm with someone or alone, I'M STILL DEAD.  Now, granted, I'm not planning on doing anything foolish or purposefully put myself in danger, plus I pray God's protection over myself always (Psalm 91:11).  So, I don't anticipate anything happening.  But what if it did?  Whether I'm with someone or alone, it's still going to happen.  Hiding out at home like a hermit isn't going to stop the fear, and it certainly isn't going to help my psyche.  I drove 1400 miles across the country alone; why the Sam Hill am I scared to drive up the street to have some fun by myself?  Sure, I'd like to have some friends to go on adventures with, but that hasn't happened yet.  I can't keep sitting around twiddling my thumbs until it does.

The second thing I needed to do was pray.  I can't make any headway on this anxiety without help from the Almighty.

The third thing was to face this head on.

OK, to shorten this a bit:  I took a painting class (which I'll talk about later) where we did a quick painting of the Flatirons Mountains of Colorado.  I was inspired to do a search on this mountain range and found out it is in Boulder, which is only about 25 miles away.  So, I decided to take a trip to Chautauqua Park and walk the trails to view the mountain.

The good:

• The drive was easy and free of incident.  Even going through road construction wasn't that bad.
• The mountains were beautiful.
• It was such a pleasant scenic drive that I want to go back...and most likely will.

The not-so-good:

• Chautauqua Park is NOT easy to navigate.  The picture in my mind (and implied on their website) was akin to Noccalula Falls Park; an obvious entrance and parking lot with designated buildings (gift shop,  restrooms, etc.).  Nope, none of that.  It was just a road with about a million cars parked on each side and tons of people walking everywhere, including the road.  I dealt with this bedlam in the midst of needing to potty in the worst way, plus I started getting the hungry shakes.  So, I turned around and found the nearest potty and fast food restaurant.  This picture is from the parking lot.  So, I did at least get to see the Flatirons.

Even the view from Taco Bell was spectacular.

I wish I could say that the fear is completely gone, but I'd be lying.  I do think that it will lessen the more I venture out.  Well, here's to earning another Mythical Merit Badge. 

By the way, I'll show you all my badges when I'm done with this project.  It takes a while for these to ship, plus I'm waiting until I get back from vacation before I order any more of them.  I'm pinching my pennies even more tightly for the next month.