Five Minute Friday: "Beauty"

I posted this on my Daybook from last week.  I feel it is appropriate to post it again here.

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I'm pondering the words of a song from today's worship service.  (Listen to it here if you'd like).  I couldn't get past the first line, "There's beauty in my brokenness."  Let me establish that I'm not criticizing the song itself at all.  This is my difficulty.

I see no beauty in brokenness.  The last time I broke something, it was not beautiful.  I broke one of my favorite coffee mugs and it was not pretty.  In fact, it got downright ugly.

No parent in his right mind would look at the brokenness of his child and think "Oh, how lovely.  My child is broken and suffering and struggling.  I love the sight of it."  No, that parent would do anything in their power to alleviate the pain and mend the brokenness.  I just can't see our Heavenly Father finding beauty and joy in my brokenness.  There are still layers of my life being peeled away and more brokenness found to deal with and be rid of...not to admire like beautiful piece of art.  I don't want to keep looking at it; why would anyone else want to?

No, this isn't the first time I've heard such a phrase.  In Celebrate Recovery, they are fond of saying that God never wastes a hurt.  I've yet to see where my brokenness has been a beauty to someone else, or my hurts being a help, rather than a hindrance to my growth and the growth of others.

The rest of the song was great, but I couldn't get away from the first line.  All I could do was weep in despair.  The line was simply another reminder of all that I am not, but should be.  It was a rebuke that I should be helping others in their pain.  I can't even help myself out of the driveway!

Maybe the squirrely feeling I talked about earlier this year is how I deserve to feel.  After all, I'm not doing everything I'm called to do.  However, I can't let the feeling lead me into doing something rash and unwise out of fear.

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