I am defined by what I do rather than who I am. This causes those around me to view me as a mere thing, a piece of chattel whose only reason for existence is to do things to improve upon their lives with no regard to my own. This definition is wrong at best, dehumanizing at worst.
I really should stop doing, but then what? Where would I be? Useless.
On Gretchen Rubin's podcast this week, she discusses many types of loneliness. She makes a point to say that while it is now acceptable to say that you are depressed or suffer from mental illness, people still take you to the woodshed for admitting to being lonely. My walking through society as non-human is the worst kind of loneliness.
My life reminds me of a scene from the Sally Field movie Sybil. As a child, Sybil's schizophrenic mother ties her up and leaves her in a wheat bin. In her hand is a purple crayon with which she scrawls on the inside of the bin. Her therapist asks her why she was drawing with the crayon. Her answer "so someone will know I was here."This blog is my purple crayon.
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Prompts provided by Mrs. Kate over at Heading Home.
Loneliness is so common, I wonder if we all don't know what to do with that feeling—especially feeling lonely in a crowd.
ReplyDeleteFeeling our worth apart from what we do is a struggle. I feel the worth-from-doing most when I'm sick and can't do. I went through bedrest with two pregnancies. I wrestled with worth immensely. And, I felt lonely.
I love the purple crayon image. I suppose, part of my blog is a purple crayon too.
I've seen that movie but do not remember the purple crayon quote. This post is making me think...did I settle for being defined by what I do instead of who I am because what I do is more valuable than who I am? Oh goodness, I'll be thinking about this all day long. :)
ReplyDeleteLove you and your words!! You are known here, and that is important.
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