Friday, October 7, 2016
31 Days of 5 Minute Free Writes 2016 - 07: "Test"
I thank God that His tests are always open book, otherwise, I'd never feel like I could pass.
Often the fear is that I'll fail the test of life--that I won't have lived my life as God intended.
What is it about tests that frighten us so? Maybe the grade feels like an indicator of worth, rather than a simple evaluation of whether we learned anything.
I had a professor at JSU (I'm looking at you Hardy Jackson) who's tests always unnerved me. Not only did he always give essay question where he expected his students to regurgitate everything--and I mean EVERYTHING--he'd ever said, but he would also get up every five minutes and write how much time we had left to finish. Imagine being in the middle of a thought and hearing the SCREECH! of a piece of chalk (he didn't have a white board) rasping across a blackboard! I wanted to pinch his head off!
Sometimes my life feels like that. The reminders that time is running out and that I'm not getting any younger are incessant. The feeling that I'm going to have to retake many tests I failed in the past haunt the daylights out of me. And will that get me the same thing I got in graduate school; an expensive piece of paper that's totally useless? "Yeah, you passed, but you took too long, so there's really nothing for you."