GO!
I thank God that His tests are always open book, otherwise, I'd never feel like I could pass.
Often the fear is that I'll fail the test of life--that I won't have lived my life as God intended.
What is it about tests that frighten us so? Maybe the grade feels like an indicator of worth, rather than a simple evaluation of whether we learned anything.
I had a professor at JSU (I'm looking at you Hardy Jackson) who's tests always unnerved me. Not only did he always give essay question where he expected his students to regurgitate everything--and I mean EVERYTHING--he'd ever said, but he would also get up every five minutes and write how much time we had left to finish. Imagine being in the middle of a thought and hearing the SCREECH! of a piece of chalk (he didn't have a white board) rasping across a blackboard! I wanted to pinch his head off!
Sometimes my life feels like that. The reminders that time is running out and that I'm not getting any younger are incessant. The feeling that I'm going to have to retake many tests I failed in the past haunt the daylights out of me. And will that get me the same thing I got in graduate school; an expensive piece of paper that's totally useless? "Yeah, you passed, but you took too long, so there's really nothing for you."
STOP!
Sorry about that. I needed to edit a few typos.
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is oh, my. Celebrate the tests you have passed and every time you learn something. I recently saw a t-shirt that read "Highly effective means always developing." We are all in that boat. Stopping by from FMF at #72.
No problem; I've done the same thing. I went ahead and removed it.
DeleteThanks for stopping by, and for the encouragement. I am in the process of learning to be kinder to myself. Part of that process will be taking time to celebrate those victories.
I can so relate to your words! Fantastic writing. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks.
DeleteI think God will lovingly nudge us to make the most of the gifts He's given us, but if you feel shame or guilt, that isn't from God. And I know how easy it is to "go there" because I do it myself. Peace for your journey. Visiting from FMF#43.
ReplyDeleteThanks. That's what I want; for God to get the most out of what He's given me. Sometimes I wonder why He would even pick me. There are so many better choices.
Delete