Hide not thy face far from me; put not thy servant away in anger: thou hast been my help; leave me not, neither forsake me, O God of my salvation. When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up. Teach me thy way, O Lord, and lead me in a plain path, because of mine enemies.
(Psalm 27:9-11 KJV)
What are my enemies? According to the Scriptures, my enemies aren’t people, but messengers of satan (Ephesians 6:12). Those same "thorns in the flesh" the Apostle Paul experienced. What are their messages? Shouldn’t have been born. No wonder you are unworthy of unconditional love; nobody wanted you in the first place! You aren’t fit to live, so just DIE. And on and on they go until my head feels like it’s going to explode. Then throw in a long repressed bad memory and...blam!
Why me? On the outside I'm nothing special. I'm quite ordinary--boring if you will. However, I am a Jesus follower. Like Paul’s revelations, God must have given me something of value that they are trying to keep the world from having. If I for once stepped up and shared all that God has placed inside me and people were led to Jesus, hell would tremble; not because I am anything special to the world, but because I am fearfully and wonderfully made by God Almighty (Psalm 139:14).
The end of 2014, I finished the devotional The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. The gist of the book is that I was made by God and for God. Until I understand that–really understand that, my life will have no meaning and I will continue to flounder through life in survival mode. This cannot happen.
I keep asking God why He would invest anything in me, seeing as how my entry into the world shouldn’t have happened and was such a harmful thing when it did. The definition of a bad investment is to contribute to something hoping to gain added value where there is none apparent. But I forget, God is not like people; He knows the beginning from the end. He doesn’t invest in me as a leveraging tool to win perfect behavior. He doesn’t say that if I make a mistake, He will pull His investment. He is the God who "setteth the solitary in families" (Psalm 68:6). In other words, His plans thwart any notions of an "accident." Like artist Bob Ross, God says, "We don’t make mistakes; we just have happy accidents," and He takes them, and makes masterpieces of them.