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"I want to live a life and love in such a way that if circumstances dictate that I know when I'm passing away, [...] that there are people that love me so much that they drop whatever they're doing to fly from across the world or across a nation to see me one last time." - Charles "Link" Neal, Ear Biscuits. July 2, 2018.
This beautiful quote, spoken at a time of intense grief (his grandfather was dying), has been churning in my heart since it was spoken over the airwaves.
Since moving to Colorado last year, establishing friendships and building a support system has been extremely difficult. Going nearly 6 months with no vehicle didn't help much either. However, the question of loving and being loved pained my heart a long time before coming West.
Seeing others find love gives me joy, not bitterness. As for me, I'm perfectly fine with never experiencing the love of a husband or a child of my own; it's just not in God's plan for me. What I'm not good with is the perpetual isolation and absence of face-to-face loving interaction with friends. Maybe I'm not doing it right. Maybe I'm not loving well. Maybe I'm not living a life worthy of the kind of love I need. Maybe I don't deserve it.
How does one cope with the total absence of love?
I'll have to figure it out and move on.
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You are loved dear sister
ReplyDeleteHe loves you and there have been people who loved you and there will be people again. May the Lord provide a friendly face and the beginning of a connection for you. Isolation and newness are hard. These are good and necessary questions you ask.
Thanks.
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