Found out that Extreme Weight Loss had some new episodes and decided to check them out. I really enjoy shows like this and Biggest Loser, but what irritates me is that these people say they were waiting for Chris or Bob or Jillian to help them and were eating themselves to death while they waited.
Look, I know it's great to have that kind of support and one-on-one attention, but for most of us, it's not going to happen unless we pay a lot of money for it. Yeah, I've thought about writing letters trying to get on one of these shows and I think one of my sisters tried to get us on BL, but the question is, why am I waiting on them? Waiting on others is what's got me in this mess to begin with.
Last month, I went to the doctor for my six month check up and to get some help for sinus nasty that wouldn't go away. I wasn't shocked at all when my weight was back up. Nope, I wasn't shocked, or angry, but simply resigned to the fact that I've done this to myself again. I've been working out as best I could whenever my body wasn't crashing somewhere in illness. My eating hasn't been up to par. No major binges, thank God, but a whole buttload of compromise and co-dependent eating.
I sat and prayed about my situation (between codeine naps), and the major thought was, "What am I waiting on?" Health and support are not going to find me, I have to be aggressive and go get it. If I don't get what I need, I've got to simply move on and not brood or overanalyze myself. And I should definitely stop waiting.
I'm the first to say that recovery shouldn't be done alone, and I have no plans to do it that way. However, there is no Chris, or Dolvett to push me everyday. When it comes down to it, I've got to get in God's face (as in His presence) and let Him get in my face and let the Holy Spirit be my guide, my coach, my motivator. As He sends in others to help along, I will be able to put it in the proper perspective and not leave the most important things out.
I had started to do my own fitness challenge, but illness and fatigue just kept crowding in. Believe me, I tried. It made me livid, but there was nothing I could do but rest and try to get better.
Enter my friend C. W. and a generous benefactor who introduced me to this challenge and got me accepted.
Danny Cahill, Season 8 winner of BL (I didn't start watching until a couple of seasons after that so I have no idea who he is) has a 6 week fitness challenge called the Meltdown Challenge. The gist of it is: My goal is to lose 6% of my total body weight in 6 weeks (approximately 15 pounds). There are plenty of rules and safety valves to that no one starves themselves to win (unless they totally lie). As this progresses, I'll talk more about it.
I am not starting over. I'm merely picking up where I left off. No more waiting until. No more sitting on the sidelines waiting for someone to ask me to dance. If the music's playing, heck, I'll dance by myself. No more trying to break into the cliques; I'll make my own gang of Iron Divas who are lovingly serious about helping themselves and others.
I'm glad that I have gone from the girl with the pretty face, to the girl with the pretty face and legs. But that is not enough, This extra weight is not who I am; it is the old me, the timid me, the complacent, compliant, bitch-whipped me. These rolls contain all my insecurity, all my anger and hurt, all my self hatred, everything! AND IT MUST GO FOREVER.
Today, my starting weight is 243 lbs.
I've learned my way around the website and the posting walls. We've already got a overachiever; a little cheerleader posting on every little thing, throwing out the proper clichés, and acting like it's her challenge instead of Danny's. People like that get on my nerves. Just sit down, shut up, and learn like the rest of us. You are not above us; we are all equal.
Anyway, I stayed on my eating plan today, but I'm hungry as all get out. I've got to get to the store to fill in some missing items. By the amount of water I drank today and the fact that I haven't been peeing like a racehorse means I have been terribly dehydrated.
My workout was simply to walk a mile today. My hips have been bothering me. Hello? When I put weight back on that happens. Another item on my list will be a large bottle of Ibuprofen. Once I drop a few pounds, the pain will go.
Well, I guess that's all today.
What I need from y'all. Please pray for me. If you don't pray, send good thoughts my way.
I know that 6 weeks full of daily posts may get on your nerves, but bear with me. I will try to find a way to incorporate them into what I'm already doing. Plus, I will try to keep them brief (if possible).
Thanks in advance for the encouragement.