I Do Science: Experiment #1: Defeating the Winter of Discontent [My Mythical Year] [Thursday Thirteen]

See my post here for more information on My Mythical Year.




For this badge, I decided to conduct two experiments.    This is the first.

 

"Now is the winter of our discontent." - William Shakespeare.  Richard III. 

"But does it have to be EVERY winter?!" - Auntie.

 

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD):  Years ago, many thought it was a made-up hype disease, including me.  I mean, doesn't everyone get depressed, isolate themselves and contemplate suicide every winter?  Seriously, I thought it was made up.  That is, of course, until I was diagnosed with it by a bona fide clinician.

Now recognized in the American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, SAD is a seasonal disorder that exhibits symptoms of major depression.  Some of the symptoms I experience are:

• Lethargy and over sleeping.
• Increased appetite for simple carbohydrates or bingeing on junk food.
• Weight gain (well duh!).
• Abnormal social anxiety leading to isolation (including avoiding positive social media).
• Loss of interest in favorite activities (reading, painting, crafts).
• Cognitive issues / brain fog (brain fart syndrome, or as I call it, my blond roots showing way too much).
• Sadness for unknown reasons.
• Feeling of hopelessness and worthlessness leading to thoughts of suicide.

I'd gone through this cycle for years without really knowing why.  The most serious case of it was in 2015 when I wrote this and had every intention of carrying it out.  After sharing my struggle with some friends I trusted, I got some help that got me over the hump. Yet, every year, I suffered with this pernicious blight.

This winter, I decided that I'd had enough of giving up months of productivity and joy.  I'd had enough of suffering in silent isolation.  I'd had enough of watching those around me living life while I withered away in a corner like a forgotten houseplant.

For this experiment, I went old school Science class:

Elements of the experiment:

• The independent variable - my mind, mood, attitude and general mental health through this experiment.
• The dependent variable (expected outcome) - that I not experience any major depressive episodes during the experiment.
• The control group - I'd consider my mental health during all the years of suffering with SAD without knowing how to treat it the control group.
• The constant - the daily strategies outlined in this experiment.
• The Inference - the results, which I will expound on at the end of the experiment.
• The duration of the experiment - If I made it from November 1st through the first week of new year without any major depressive episodes, I considered the experiment a success.  That's the timeframe when the majority of my symptoms occur the strongest.

Conducting the Experiment: Thirteen strategies (or the constants)  for dealing with SAD.

#1 - Get the right information. 

Though I'd researched Seasonal Affective Disorder on my own, getting information directly from a counselor or clinician was necessary to confirm that I was on the right track.  My mentor is a clinician and found my strategies solid.   I also spoke with the Program Director of our counseling program.  Not only did he find my strategies solid, but gave me more information and additional strategies. 

#2 - Go green.

For me, one thing that make a residence feel like home is plants.  Back home, I had houseplants, flower beds to tend, and an occasionally productive vegetable garden.  Since my new place doesn't have a yard and I'm on a tight budget, I had to get creative in my quest for greenery.  Several people at work have nice plants and graciously allowed me to take cuttings to root (the plant on the right is an example).  I was in the grocery store and found an inexpensive, rather forlorn peace lily.  After watering and tending it for about a month, I split it into two plants--one for work and one for home.  Over the months, I've been blessed with several more plants.  As budget allows, I will continue to add to the collection.

 

Why is this important?  Not only do the plants bring beauty to my world, but they also give me a living thing for which to be responsible.  I take plant care as seriously as I would pet care, so doing my part to make sure these plants live and thrive is very important to me.  Even on my "blue" days, caring for my growing menagerie of flora boosts my mood. 

#3 - Increase my vitamin intake; especially Vitamin D. 

Much of the research suggests that one factor of SAD involves Vitamin D deficiency.  With shorter days giving less sunlight, winter temperatures giving less opportunities for outdoor activities, and seasonal dietary changes that may not include enough Vitamin D-rich foods, I not only took a twice daily vitamin/mineral supplement that included vitamin D, but took an extra vitamin D supplement in the evenings.  I did keep an eye out for symptoms of overconsumption.



#4 - Bring comfort to my surroundings.

 

As I mentioned in this post, I decided to employ the Norwegian concept of koselig.  Like the popular Danish concept of hygge, koselig is the act of finding the cozy of the season. I bought a cozy fleece throw for my couch, an assortment of flavored coffees and teas to enjoy, and some treats to make bath time more relaxing.  I also worked to dump my normal winter mindset of dread.  The biggest part of koselig and hygge isn't simply procuring comforting items, but developing a more positive mindset around the season.  Embracing the cozy, if you will.



#5 - Watch or listen to something funny or that improves my mood.

 

The Bible says that "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones" (Proverbs 17:22 KJV).  When I'm feeling depressed, the last thing I want to do is listen to uplifting music or watch a funny video, yet keeping that kind of content going on good days makes it easier to partake of when my mood isn't the best.  YouTube was my best resource for funny or uplifting videos.  My Spotify "Happy 911" playlist was my source for music that improved my mood.

#6 - Don't power through or ignore negative feelings.

 

There were days that no matter what I did, my mood was down.  Sickness, negative circumstances (and people), adverse weather conditions, hormones, and erratic sleep patterns wreaked havoc with my emotions.  In the past, I would try to power through or medicate (mostly with food) those emotions to not feel them.  This strategy not only made the pain last longer, but increased its intensity.  I let myself experience the emotion and process through it to find possible solutions to the issues causing the turn.  I was also honest with and asked for prayer from those close to me.



#7 - Don't power through or ignore sickness.

I rarely get sick, but this winter found me battling two rounds of the ick.  The first was during my Christmas vacation, so I wasn't out and about much anyway.  The second hit just as I went back to work and I really didn't feel right about taking sick leave immediately after a vacation.  However, trying to power through it seriously cut down on my productivity and worsened my mood.  After a few days of this, I bit the bullet and took time off to do nothing but rest.  I spent several days in bed recuperating.  It was the best thing I could have done for myself.



#8 - Get outside as often as weather permits.

 

One of the benefits of Colorado winters it that the bitter cold isn't extended.  Plus, winters here aren't ugly and we usually get plenty of sunshine between snowstorms.  Along with our daily lunch break, we are allotted a couple of short breaks throughout the day.   When temperatures allowed, I would go for a stroll, soak up some sun (thus vitamin D), occasionally listen to music, and take pictures of anything I thought was beautiful or interesting (thus the photo above).  It got me away from the screen, got me moving, and worked wonders for my psyche.   If the weather was too yucky, I would go to one of our conference rooms and admire the scenery from the large windows.  Admittedly, not the same, but better than nothing.

#9 - Keep my brain active.

One of the symptoms of SAD is a loss of interest in enjoyable activities.  Reading is one of my favorite activities.  Even when I was feeling my worst, I would play an audiobook to focus my mind on something intellectual (most of the time).   If I couldn't focus on something new, I would pull out a old favorite and reread parts of it.



#10 - Treat myself.

Yes, I know I'm on the Dave Ramsey plan, but even he said that if we don't add a little fun to our lives, we will be miserable and give up working the baby steps altogether.  A small treat like a Starbucks coffee,  an inexpensive used book from the library bookstore or thrift store, or a little something from Mythical worked wonders.  Plus, I had gift cards I'd been hoarding since my birthday with which I could purchase treats for myself.

#11 - Keep moving.

 

One of the best mood boosters is exercise.  Whether it's throwing in a workout DVD, taking a walk outside, or cranking up the music and putting the pedal to the metal on my bike, movement usually lifts my mood and helps me sleep a little better.

#12 - Keep the creativity going.

 

While many of my ongoing art projects went unfinished, I thoroughly enjoyed creating handmade cards, ornaments, and presents for Christmas and baby arrivals.  Sharing my creativity with others brings me joy.

#13 - Stay social.

This was the toughest one.  Thought I'm a very social person, when the icy tendrils of the mulligrubs start to claw at me, the last thing I want to do is be around people--for their sake and mine.  However, I'm well enough experienced in social media to know that it's no substitute for true fellowship--only a supplement.  So, when necessary, I forced myself to avoid prolonged isolation.  Another thing that helped is that the weather didn't cause me to miss as many church services as last winter, so worshiping with my church family definitely kept me connected to community.

The Results

I am pleased to announce that the experiment was a success!  I made it through the toughest part of the winter months with no major depressive episodes.  Was my mood perfect throughout?  No, but I never got into despair, and ending my life didn't even cross my mind.

As winter gives way to spring (whenever that is--Colorado remember?), I will continue to employ these strategies. 

40 Days of Gratitude: Day 20

Well, I'm halfway through this mental fitness challenge.  I know every post hasn't been my best, but I'm still here.  That's the important thing.  I've wanted to chunk this whole thing several times, but I'm tired of starting things without finishing them.

I told a friend that I wish the holidays were already over.  Yeah, I know that's not the way to be, but it's the truth.  I know many of you don't get why this is so hard.  I wish you did, but it's OK that you don't.

My goal for the next 20 days is to keep looking for some non-family happiness that is Christmas and the start of a brand new year.  Not an easy task when I just want to curl up in my bed and stay there until January 2nd.

Thanks for the middle finger of
fellowship!

I know y'all are wondering:  "What is her problem?'  Some of it is circumstantial, which I'm working to change.  A good bit is body chemistry (tried to change it and failed).  Some of it is growing weary with the constant reminders of all that I am not (example:  this little ditty I got on Twitter today).  I think the big problem is something Rick Warren talked about in one of his podcasts.  He said that when people feel stuck and believe that things will never change no matter how hard they try, they lose hope.  Loss of hope leads to loss of joy, which leads to loss of strength (Nehemiah 8:10).  Many of my battles have been fought for years with no lasting victory, if any at all.  I continue to hope, but "Hope deferred maketh the heart sick..." (Proverbs 13:12).

Anyway, enough of that.  Today, I finished my last painting of the year for the senior dance.  I'm so thankful for this opportunity to serve.  I hope they like it.  I may make a mini version of this for hand painted cards.

And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,  Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

 

Luke 2:13-14

40 Days of Gratitude: Introduction

 



Several things bug me during this season;  the time change (which means it gets dark at 4:30), shorter days and cold temps that keep me from spending time outside, and people who put up Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving.  I know people have their reasons and they can do whatever they want, but Thanksgiving and the purpose of celebrating it have gotten lost.  It's like I've heard said, people spend one day giving thanks for what they have--maybe--and the day after beating the crap out of each other to get more stuff.  No, I'm not against stuff and shopping, but come on.  How many years now have we seen news stories about fights,  people being trampled, injured, or killed, and hurried car crashes for the sake of getting something first? 

Another problem with this season for me and thousands of others is seasonal depression.  I don't prescribe to the assumption that every person who deals with depression is ungrateful and thinks of themselves too much.  Yeah, I get that answer all the time.  **Buzz** flag on the play!  I'm going to have to call B.S. on that one.  Generally, feeling hopeless causes a person to think so little of themselves that they stop taking care of themselves and stop healthy social activities.

Since the time change a couple of weeks ago, I've felt the icy grip of mental darkness attempt to take a firm hold of my psyche.  I'm determined that this season will be different.  I've got several strategies for dealing with it:

• Proper diet and exercise. I'm involved in another fitness challenge.  No, not like the crappy one.
• Checking in with my sponsor.  I will be working on the 12 steps through this.
• Getting outside whenever possible.  Praise God that Alabama weather isn't cold every day.
• Continue to create (not just for others, but for myself as well).
• Keep humorous and encouraging materials readily available.
• Rest (not more sleep, but more real rest and relaxation)

My main strategy is to try to find something to be thankful for every day and write a post about it with a photo.  No matter who you ask, gratitude is said to be a bolster to one's mental health.  This will go on from today until the last day of the year; a total of 40 days.  Please feel free to join in if you'd like.

Five Minute Friday: "Care"

Our Mistress of Ceremonies for the Five Minute Friday is Kate over at Heading Home.  Hope you link up with us and join the fun.

 

 

Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

 

I Peter 4:6-7

 

GO!

 

One of the harshest things I've ever heard said to another child was when a relative gleefully confessed that she'd told another, much younger relative, "You are a child.  I don't care about your feelings."  Most of my family laughed in pleasure.  I was cussin' fightin' mad!  I'm just so thankful that the culprit was not the child's mother.  But what if it had been?  Or worse, what if it had been her father? 

 

There are many moments in our lives when we feel that no one cares.  I have those moments often.  I suppose it is a product of dealing with depression.  Most times in church circles, those of us who feel any despair are told we are selfish and having a pity party.  When people say that, I want to cuss (and often do under my breath).  I am not asking you for anything but to simply give a s@#*!   Is that too much to ask?  Apparently, it is.

 

However, one comfort I have is the Father God never says of His children, "I don't care."  He always cares.  He's always listening.

 

FULL STOP!



Tears of a Clown

Last night's closing thoughts were on the apparent suicide of actor and comedian Robin Williams.  A favorite radio program awakened me with the same topic.  I am saddened by the loss, but I am more saddened by the treatment of the loss.

I expected the world to turn this human being into a mere abstraction--a plastic character on the screen who is simply no more.  However, I didn't expect the Christian community to do the same.  OK, deep down I expected it, but it was still stinky when it happened.  This man stepped into eternity  24 hours ago, and people who've never met Mr. Williams all of a sudden know everything about him, his situation, his spiritual condition, his everything.  My friend, Alexis, summed it up this way on her Facebook page:

Everyone keeps talking about the characters that Robin Williams played and how sad they are that we will never see his talent again in a new way. This is all well and good because he did influence and bring joy to so many people in this way, so please don't think that I am saying it is wrong to mourn the loss of a talent. But please remember that it is not a character who has passed away - it is a man who was struggling. Today I am not mourning the Genie or Mrs. Doubtfire or Professor Keating. Today I am mourning a human being who could not find a way to escape the pain he was feeling in this life. We will miss you, Mr. Williams, not just because you made us laugh but because your life was precious and had purpose and changed the world.

Unfortunately, some cannot separate the celebrity from the human, many more cannot differentiate between the celebrity and the human.  For example when Pastor Rick Warren's son Matthew committed suicide, the world's outcry was the need to stop stereotyping mental illness; the church's outcry was, "He was a Christian, he had no reason to commit suicide."  Now that Mr. Williams is gone, the world's outcry was the need to stop stereotyping mental illness; the church's outcry was "He was a rich celebrity, so he couldn't have been a Christian.  He had every reason to commit suicide."

We who claim the name of Christ can't seem to acknowledge that there is depression and/or mental illness in our ranks.  When it is present, the person's spirituality, faith, and even his salvation itself is called into question.  The "leper" in question is lumped together with "those" people--those with defects that need to be hidden from view because they make the church look bad.

In the early days of my walk with Christ, the thing to do was to hide anyone who was sick, disabled, or physically infirmed in any way and call their faith into question.  Now, we readily accept physical sickness to the point we roll over and accept it without putting up a fight.  Back then, we didn't even acknowledge there was such a thing as mental illness or depression; it was always a demon that simply needed to be cast out.  Nothing has changed much.

Am I saying that there isn't a spiritual component to depression?  Not at all.  If there weren't, the Psalmist never would have written "Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance." (Psalm 42:5 KJV)  What I am saying is that just as we used modern medicine as an aid to physical healing, why is using the same thing to aid in mental healing so taboo? 

It gets worse.  This is where I have to dive into my own stuff.  I'm not speaking something I haven't experienced.

If you know me personally or you've read my blog for any stretch of time, you know that I have bouts with depression.  What I haven't spoken of much is that this is not a recent development.  I've dealt with depression for years.  It started as just a seasonal thing I dealt with in wintertime, but it quickly escalated into long bouts of absolute despair to the point of physical malaise.  For years I had been counseled by my mentor (who is a Christ follower) to get medical help.  For years I refused.  Why?  Because the church advised against it.  Their reasoning was a) my faith just wasn't up to par and I needed to read the Bible and pray more (don't we all), b) would a real Christian allow the devil to attack them like this? c) I was being selfish and had myself on my mind too much was the reason I was depressed (at the time that gem was said I was working a job that was killing me and I was teetering on the edge of bankruptcy, but yeah, I was just selfish; that had to be it)  d) there are people with worse problems than you. (yeah...and?)  e) antidepressants have side affects that are worse than the meds themselves (I found out from my doctor that not all of them do).  I finally had one too many rounds of weeks in bed and suicidal thoughts to fiddle fart around with people who were more worried about image than people getting well.  I have tread my own path to healing without leaving my walk with Jesus out.  In fact, it starts there.  Like T.D. Jakes said, "Whatever ain't healed yet gots to get fixed."  I'm not completely well yet, but I can bounce back much quicker, and I have a network of friends and mentors who neither minimize my pain nor let me wallow in it.

So what does this have to do with Robin Williams?  What if in his quest to get help, he was told, "Well Robin, you have everything.  What have you got to be depressed about?"  Most of the news outlets I read from have analyzed his plight in just that degrading fashion.  What if he kept being the squeaky wheel that got no grease?  What if his humor was a covering for the real pain he felt, but his close circle of friends glossed over it to keep the good times rolling?  What if he was simply given crappy advice that kept him ill?  Of course, I don't know these things for certain, and I'm not going to act like I do.  However, for someone who has her phasers set to "snarky" most of the time, I know what the struggle of the sad clown feels like.

It's not simply Robin Williams I mourn, it is all who battle depression I mourn for.